If you have gotten the super flu that has been going around this year, I feel incredibly bad for you because this has been a bad year for sickness. If you have been fortunate enough to dodge it all year like I have, this one's for you.

1. Is it socially acceptable to spray you with Lysol?

2. If you want to hang out, I'm going to need a doctor's note of approval.

3. No, you can't come to my house, what if you're a carrier and you just don't know yet...?

4. Don't shake my hand, don't hug me, don't touch me, don't breathe on me.

5. Have you washed your hands in the last five minutes?

6. Don't drink after me. I'm not saying you're gross, but you could be gross and I can't risk that.

7. Would you like some hand sanitizer?

8. That was a rhetorical question, take some hand sanitizer.

9. I'm going to need you to step outside, on the sidewalk, around the corner from me before you blow your nose.

10. I'm not a germaphobe, you're a cesspool.

In short: if you are sick please stay away from me. Thank you in advance.