10. I don’t hate you. I know you don’t hate me. Being a teenager is hard and it’s easy to blame someone you love dearly for all the hurt and pain. It’s easy to scream at you and blame you for not doing this and not doing that. At the end of the day, you did all that you could have done to keep me happy. There’s only so much you can do for a stubborn teenager that refuses to listen and I’m sorry for all of the times that I broke your heart just because I had a bad day.

9. I hate sharing my writing. All of those times that I blew you off when you encouraged me to submit it to different magazines and different editors, I was just scared. I’m still scared. I don’t take criticism very well and I can’t stand the thought that the one thing that helps me heal is just another thing I do not excel at. I know you’re my biggest fan and I cannot thank you enough for that, mom. I’m sorry for not believing in myself as much as you believe in me.

8. I’m not as strong as you think I am, but I’m also not as weak as you may think I am. I cry a lot because I feel so deeply, which is both a blessing and a curse. I grew up watching a strong woman that cries only when she finally breaks apart. She taught me that there is no shame in crying, but redemption. Thank you for teaching me that crying is not a burden upon the ego and heart, but evidence that I am strong enough to feel and allow myself to break. There is strength found in the cracks of a crumbling heart and you are the one that taught me that, Mom.

7. I am the queen of procrastination. You know this, but I don’t think you knew how badly until my junior year of high school. Cramming is my specialty and I know how much that bothers you. I’m sorry for the screaming at 10 o’clock and the tears until 1 a.m. I’m sorry for taking the stress out on you and being the worst person to be around the week of my geology tests. Thank you for always getting me dinner or looking things up whenever I needed just to help me out. You’re so great and I don’t let you know how much I appreciate you in these situations.

6. I’m sorry for dating behind your back and choosing that person’s side in our fights. I’m sorry for accusing you of hating them when you were just looking out for my best interest. I thought I knew what I was doing and that you had no idea what I was going through, but turns out you actually do know what you’re talking about as my mom. Things always turned out well but getting to that point was hard work. I’m sorry for not listening to you when I should’ve.

5. I know finding out all the things I did behind your back isn’t fun, but I want to thank you for understanding that I am a teenager and I make stupid mistakes. Finding things in my room can break your heart, especially when you have to hear the sad truth behind them through the tears I couldn't stop spilling for an hour. I mess up and I’m not perfect but you are always understanding of my choices. I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you in the first place.

4. I am extremely good at playing it cool concerning situations that should hurt me down to the core. Truth is, these build up inside me and I end up crying on the shower floor. You found this out just a couple months ago when everything finally became too much and I broke down crying in front of you. I know all you want is to protect me but sometimes letting me cry alone and deal with the situation is what I need. I’m sorry I shut you out so much.

3. I know how much you hate being shut out of my world, especially when everyone else seems to have the right ticket in. When you found out I like girls, I’m sorry that it had to be from someone else’s mouth. I hid from you for so long because I was convinced that you would be angry with me simply for who I wanted to kiss at the end of the day. I’m sorry that so many people found out before you and I made you out to look oblivious to your own child. I should’ve told you. I should’ve trusted you to love me, which I know you do. I’m sorry for the bad times that followed after you finding out just because I was prideful. I know you weren’t mad about me for being gay, but rather the fact that I lied to your face. In all fairness, I would be mad too. You deserve better than that, Mom. I’m sorry I was convinced otherwise.

2. On the flipside of that, I know how excited you were about me wanting to date someone who truly loves me, “warts and all.” I don’t really know why I was scared to tell you that I was excited to love someone this kind, but I was. I spent a day or two building up the courage to even bring up the idea, and you welcomed it with open arms. I finally understand that you truly do want what’s best for me and will tell me when anything seems the slightest bit off. Thank you for loving him and me unconditionally.

1. There's nothing better than sobbing on the floor and being comforted by your words, no matter how much you believe I think that it’s lame. You really are my rock and my person to cry to when things get bad. Thank you for all the laughs while the tears were staining my cheeks and snot was coming out of my nose. Thank you for understanding all of the darkness that comes with life and never judging me for it.

Mom, you really are my rock. I love you unconditionally and don’t know how I ever would’ve survived these past four years without you. I know lying and hiding are your biggest pet peeves, so thank you for being so understanding through every bump and hurdle, and still being my biggest fan throughout everything I do.

I love you infinity plus one.