Recently, I have noticed that when things don't quite go our way we are often hurried through our emotions and not given time to be upset about anything. I think internalizing these feelings of sadness, frustration, anxiety, and anger and scurrying past them is contributing to the rise of anxiety and depression in our daily lives. While I don't believe in wallowing or self-pity, it is perfectly human to be upset sometimes. Our friends and family members mean well and don't like to see people they care about being upset, but statements like, "cheer up," "tomorrow is a new day," and "look on the bright side" aren't helpful and rush us through our processing time. This list gives alternate ways to support someone who is upset whether it be for five minutes or five days while allowing them the proper time to process, comes to terms with, accept, and move forward from their current difficulty.
1. I love you.
If you say it, mean it, but really, these little words can go a long way. This applies to anyone in your life who may be feeling down, and it does not have to be sappy or anything. Just knowing that someone loves you whether it be significant other love, friend love, bro love, or just regular hey you're a human kind of love, is comforting.
2. Would you like to…
Get your favorite food or coffee? Watch your favorite movie or show? Go for a walk? Do whatever it is that makes you happy or we enjoy doing together?
Sometimes a distraction is good for the soul especially if it involves your favorite things.
3. Can I take something off your plate?
Can I do your dishes, pick something up from the store, or do any other little task for you? Sometimes even the tiniest and most mundane tasks seem really annoying when something is bugging you or you're upset. They can clutter your mind and weigh you down. Having someone offer to take what they can off your hands can give your mind some clarity in which to process the situation you're dealing with.
4. You're wonderful/strong/amazing/etc.
A pep talk never hurt anyone.
5. Hey, remember that time?
Bring back a happy memory. This is not so much to make them "look on the bright side", but just getting them to smile might help their mood out.
6. I'm here to listen.
Sometimes people just need to talk things out. They need to express what they are feeling as words and process them out loud. They may not need any feedback, just judgement- free listening.
7. Do you need some quiet time or space?
Life can just be too loud sometimes. Quiet time is necessary on a regular basis, but it is especially helpful in sorting out whatever is bothering you.
8. Do you just need some company?
I'm the kind of person that needs six and seven. I am really extroverted so alone time isn't super fun, but I don't necessarily need noise either. When I'm feeling down, having a friend's company while we study or watch TV quietly can help my soul get the rest it needs. I may feel like talking a little, but just knowing that someone is there helps.
9. What's next?
When are you taking another trip? What are you doing this weekend? What dreams are you working toward? This is more constructive than saying, "life goes on." Yes, it does, but right now I'm upset, and that's OK!
10. You have me.
No matter what is bugging you or stressing you, I am here. If there is anything I can do or not do that will help, you got it. I just want you to be OK, and I'm here to see you through this.
