Ever since I was a little kid I have always been shy and it is not fun. Being shy is not an easy thing; it means more than just not talking -- it goes way deeper (although many people do not understand that). With being shy, comes people making little comments about how little you speak. These comments always make you feel uncomfortable and weird. Although these comments can be annoying they are something nearly every person who has been labeled as "shy" experience. Looking back, I remember a lot of comments I have heard and I wish I could go back and reply to some of these annoying little comments and say something like the following.
1. "You never say anything..."
Sorry if my quiet nature is making you uncomfortable, but honestly this comment is making me uncomfortable. Being shy usually means you are pretty self conscious, so I have already realized that I don't say as much as other people do. Why do you feel the need to state the obvious? Do you think that pointing out the oddity of me not talking much would actually compel me to talk more? Guess again.
2. "I thought you were so mean when I first met you!"
OK, let me get this straight, just because I have a harder time talking to people means I am a mean person? No, the entire human race is not all the same. You will run into some very outgoing and talkative people, and then you will run into others, like me, who have are more tight lipped. Just because you talk a lot or a little doesn't mean you are automatically nice or mean. I am nervous around people and I am afraid of being embarrassed by something I say therefore, I overthink everything and take a bit longer to open up to people. Try to get to know me before you write me off as being a mean, unfriendly person.
3. "Why are you so quiet?"
I don't know, why do you care so much?"
4. "He (she) is just shy."
5. "Well, if you don't like being shy why don't you just get over it?"
via GIPHY
If I had a nickel for every time I have heard this... All I can say is, I would if I could (duh!). Shyness is not something you just wake up and overcome. Although some people get over it faster than others, that doesn't mean that other people can overcome it just as fast. Everyone overcomes shyness at different rates; some people overcome shyness completely. Some people may completely do a 180 and become a completely un-shy person while other people may never truly overcome shyness. Nobody likes being shy, but that doesn't mean we can just throw away all our anxiousness and timidness away with a snap of the finger. It takes work and it isn't something you just "get over," so please, don't ever say that.
6. "Nobody likes shy people..."
Someone has actually said this to me, and let me tell you, it really got to me and affected me for years. Luckily, I have been able to grow up and realize that I really don't care anymore. I am who I am, and I am through apologizing for who I am. If you don't like a person just because they are too quiet for your liking, that's your problem. And if you are willing to throw someones insecurity back in their face for no other reason, other than to hurt their feelings, then I don't like you.
7. "Well maybe you should just talk more then..."
I'm trying to. I have learned it does no good to try to explain to certain friends about what it is like being shy because some people just don't get it and probably never really will. I want to talk more, and I try my best. I wish I could be the type of person who says what they want to whenever they want to and who can hold a conversation without overthinking every response!! Although I want to speak up, it is hard for me and isn't as easy as you make it out to be. It takes so much for me to get up the courage to say something, anything, more courage than you may think. Every time I say something just know that it took a lot for me to do that because chances are I was overthinking and rethinking those words for a few moments before they finally escaped my mouth.
8. "It's OK, I don't bite!"
I may be shy, but I'm not stupid. The reason I am not talking is not because I am afraid you are going to bite me, it's simply because I am afraid of what you might think about me. I overthink everything that I say throughout the course of the day because I am so nervous about making a fool out of myself in one way or another. I know, everyone get's embarrassed but I am just really afraid of being embarrassed, and I know that may sound dumb, but it is an issue I have to deal with. So, I am not afraid you are going to bite me, I'm afraid of being judged for what I end up saying, I am really self conscious. Comments like these don't ease my nervousness (even though you might think it does) it just amps it up and puts more pressure on me to speak which can be overwhelming.
9. "What's wrong, cat got your tongue?"
Haha, no. But, thank you for making me feel like an idiot. I obviously don't feel comfortable right now but, thanks to you, now I feel even more uncomfortable and self conscious about how few I am speaking. There is no need for a comment like this, and although it may stifle a laugh out of someone it has been said over and over again for decades to the point that you aren't funny or original. You are just making someone feel even more nervous and uncomfortable than they already usually are in a social situation -- congratulations.
10. "She isn't this quiet once you get to know her!"
That's right, I'm not! This was usually my friend's response to other people who would make comments about my quietness. It's true, I am not quiet once you truly get to know me. It just takes a while to get to know me because it takes me longer to get comfortable around people. Sorry, not sorry -- it's just how I am.
