1. Walk in ten minutes before closing
I can almost guarantee that if you want the best customer service around, coming in two minutes before closing isn't going to put the odds in your favor.
2. Let my spawn run wild and free
Don't get me wrong, I love children. However, when your kids are running around screaming, knocking things over, hiding in the displays and throwing off the feng shui of the store, we have an issue. You obviously have me confused as a babysitter, which at the present time -- surprise!!! -- I am not.
3. Request excessive items from "the back"
Next time someone requests something from the back I should really make them draw a picture of what they think "the back" looks like. Everything is on the floor unless stated otherwise. We're not growing new merchandise in the back room, I promise.
4. Forget the associate's name
One word, 10 letters. Commission. Okay, first, let's start with one of the basic rules of being a human. If someone takes the time to introduce themselves to you, remember their name. If someone introduces themselves to you and offers you their assistance, filling your sweet little heart with satisfaction, the least you can do in return is at least attempt to remember their name when it comes time to check out. Imagine how irritating it could be when you spend the last 45 minutes helping a customer find everything they needed and they get to the register and say that no one helped them.
Oh. Really? You're right. Same.
5. Strip the mannequins
If an associate didn't greet you upon your arrival into the store, I apologize. Otherwise, I'm sure someone told you they'd be more than happy to assist you in anyway possible, right? So why do you feel compelled to strip the mannequin down and then not even bother to tell anyone that you did so? (This is one of those magical times where the store probably has more in the back. Just a tip.)
6. Use improper register etiquette
Let's talk improper register etiquette for a moment.
Please do not throw your money, coins, card, monopoly money, whatever, at a cashier. Please do not hand me a coupon from 2003 and demand that I honor it. Please do not have more than two forms of payment. Please do not get angry when your card gets decline. (Yes, we'll gladly run it again, but yelling at me isn't helping your case.) Please do not second-guess the things I tell you and ask to speak to my manager. (To be honest, they're probably going to tell you the same thing that I did.)
7. Leave things other than the way I found them
Here's a little secret. Are you ready?
All stores are thoroughly organized. There's a method to the madness and if you don't see it, it's probably not out. I would be more than happy to see if we have additional items elsewhere in the store, but rummaging through all of the variations of the items, without fixing them, is just not cool, dude. Did I recently sign up to be your personal clean-up crew?
8. Drop something and not pick it up
Why can't you just pick it up, I don't understand. You dropped it! This goes hand in hand with not leaving things the way that you found them. If you drop something, please pick it up. If you make a mess that isn't easily cleaned, please let us know and don't just walk away. The associates in the store are there to make every shopper's experience memorable. We can't do our jobs when the store is in chaos, and our job isn't to stand in as your maid. Have some common courtesy for the associates and your fellow shoppers.
9. Put items on hold that I don't really want
At the end of the night we're the ones who have to put back the 14 items you didn't come back for. If you don't want it, just put it back! I promise you it isn't going to hurt anyone's feelings.
10. Forget your common sense and common courtesy
Okay, even if you're the rudest person I've met in my lifetime, I'm still going to give you gold star worthy customer service. However, it is so much more pleasant for all parties involved when you're pleasant with the associate. I promise, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
