We’ve all heard it before: “Don’t live with your best friend in college.” While it’s likely that this unsolicited advice was offered under the best of intentions, you don’t necessarily have to comply. Take it from an avid rule-breaker like myself who did it anyway. Now, don’t get me wrong; this advice has a long list of former BFFs to back it up. However, it’s not about who you live with, it’s about how you live with them. Thus, here are 10 things to know before rooming with your best friend in college.
1. You might not know each other as well as you thought you did.
Even if you’ve been inseparable since birth, you’d be surprised at how much you don’t know about your very best pal. Even a lifetime’s worth of sleepovers just isn’t enough to know what you’ll soon find out in the coming months. Is she a clean freak or a total slob? Does he play video games until 4 a.m., or turn in at elderly hour? Do they even know how to wash a dish? You’re sure to find out the hard way if you share a living space. Don’t worry, though, there is one way to dodge the bullet. Communication! Literally, talk about everything. Do you love hardcore rock and Netflix binge on the reg? Let ‘em know. Above all else, be understanding. He really can’t help how loudly he snores, and they are your best friend after all. Learn to embrace each other’s flaws and dorm life will go much smoother.
2. You will disagree.
Living in cramped quarters is bound to spark a few disputes here and there, and these can be awkward for long-time pals who agree on everything. She may hate the smell of your favorite scents; you may abhor her Lilly Pulitzer print everything. But do not despair, living with your friend does not doom you to a year of misery. There are two keys to surviving every disagreement: communication and compromise. Seek out a middle ground for every dispute and you’ll not only solve the issue, you’ll come out better for it.
3. Set boundaries and guidelines early on.
There are pet peeves, there are minor annoyances, there are disagreements, and then there are things you "just don't do." For some, it might be biggies -- like alcohol or drugs. For others, it’s stumbling in at an ungodly hour and flipping the light on. Either way, setting boundaries early on makes your roomie aware of the line before he or she crosses it. But when they do...
4. Confrontation is not always a bad thing
I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding confrontation. John Cleese.
Take it from me: lover of peace, pleaser of people, hater of confrontation. Confrontation is not always a bad thing. Yes, it is awkward. Yes, it is no fun. Yes, it goes against every bone in your body. Yes, it is the only way to solve the problem. Say it with me folks, “Confrontation is communication.” Good, now keep that in mind when your roomie crosses the line and it’s time for a sit down discussion on what and why. Oh, and refrain from the ever-tempting passive aggressive Post-It note. For some, confrontation is as easy as breathing, and to you I say this: be picky about what you pick on. Always practice both patience and grace after signing an eight-month long housing contract.
5. You are different -- and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing!
One of my best friends doubled as my roommate my freshman year and if there’s one thing I learned, it was that she and I are very different. I’m not complaining, though; her enthusiasm and extroversion introduced me to a whole new group of people simply by association. Recognize that you are not the same person, embrace your differences, and watch as you experience new and exciting things!
6. Support your pal in pursuing their passion, even if it’s not for you.
It can be difficult to encourage your closest friend to branch out and do things without you, but you know when they say, “Happy wife, happy life.” But really, their happiness is your happiness when you share a 12’ x 15’ concrete box. After all, college is the place to find both your niche and yourself. Who wouldn’t want that for their best bud?
7. You will both find new friends.
Your chem lab partner, the girl she helped to the nurse, his baseball buddy or fellow video game enthusiast. These budding relationships are neither a threat to your position as “bestie for the restie,” nor has your roomie found your replacement. Seek out your own new pals to add a little variety to your everyday routine and help you binge study for that chem final you forgot to study for. Don’t forget to embrace your roommate’s new friends; you never know, before you know it your “dynamic duo” might just become a trio!
8. You will need time apart.
Don’t feel insulted when your pal opts for a night in rather than joining you on a trip to the nearest social gathering. Respecting each other’s need for space and solitude is an important factor in a successful relationship. After all, “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” right?
9. You are both human.
You will make mistakes. You will cross the line. You will lose your temper. And that’s okay because we’re human. This is where that grace stuff comes in. When your roommate wakes you up at 2 a.m. because she’s having a meltdown over a history paper. It's okay to console her without pointing out that she should have finished it three days ago. When your roomie has you up until 1 a.m. because there’s just not enough time in the day, offer your help instead of sighing loudly as you roll over. Be compassionate towards one another and you’ll end up being closer than you were when you moved in.
10. Your relationship will change
After laughing until dawn, suffering through finals, and supporting each other through the roughest of times, the incredible friendship you had will have transformed into something unrecognizable. After filling new roles in the relationship, you form more bonds and become closer still. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll come out with more than a “former best friend” and instead have the pal of a lifetime.
I won’t say that every dynamic duo will make great roommates, but I know that my best friend and I did. Far from perfection, we had our arguments, confrontations, and stubborn silences, but I wouldn’t trade any of that for the very best pal I have found in her. Late night Taco Bell runs and snow days aren’t easily forgotten, after all.
