It sad, but true that modern relationships in our world have taken a turn for the worse. We like to think that having a girlfriend or a boyfriend will solve all of our problems, but what we fail to realize is that relationships are about a whole lot more than just going on first dates and being romanced. From someone who's gone through the ups and downs of relationships, here are ten things that no one will actually tell you about real relationships.
1. Make sure you’re ready.
My greatest advice is: don't date because you're lonely because you're friends are pressuring you, or because you feel like you have to. The truth of the matter is no one but you will know if you're ready for a relationship. Everyone wants to talk about the romantic dates and the first kisses, but no one ever wants to talk about how much work relationships really are. Relationships take time, effort, and commitment. If you can't provide any one of those three components then it's pretty obvious that you're got ready to enter the dating world.
2. Love yourself first.
I think one of the most common mistakes that people make in relationships is simply dating someone to make up for a lack of self-confidence. My greatest piece of advice is, don’t wrap your entire worth into one person. Yes, attention from the opposite sex makes us feel empowered and noticed, but that shouldn't define how we feel about ourselves. Don't fall in love with someone's affection because at the end of the day, how you see yourself is what lasts.
3. Set boundaries.
If you can't have a conversation about boundaries with your significant other, then that's a surefire sign that you're not ready to be in a relationship. There is so much pressure in relationships to act a certain way or do certain things with the other person, but the truth is that each relationship is unique because every person is unique. It is so important to have that vital conversation about your personal convictions regarding what you're truly comfortable doing in a relationship before you start dating.
4. Don’t change who you are.
I'm not sure if the whole opposites attract thing is all that accurate, but I do know that no one else on earth is uniquely you. I know that we're all guilty of trying to impress our dates by presenting the polished version of ourselves, but in the long run remember to stay true to yourself. You should be with someone who loves you for who you are, not for some version of yourself that you have to make up.
5. Learn how to forgive and forget.
No one is perfect and your partner is going to make mistakes in the relationship. Some days they're going to do things that will make your blood boil and you're going to want to throw the towel in. Every good couple needs to learn how to argue and come back out on top. It's about letting the little things go, and forgiving them even when it's hard.
6. Be a friend first.
It’s so incredibly easy to get caught up in the attention of your partner during the first stages of the relationship. There will come a time when it’s Friday night and you have to decide between a night out with your best friends or a date with your significant other. Since you can’t be in two places at once, this decision marks the start of the friend and more than friends conflict. Caution: do not blow off the friends that have always been there for a relationship that just might end up being temporary.
7. Be honest.
You and your significant other aren’t going to agree on everything. They’re going to make you watch movies that you hate and you’re going to be irked when they show up late to a date without an excuse. You don’t have to agree on everything and you’re going to have to learn how to be honest when your opinion needs to be heard. Most importantly, if something is bothering you in your relationship, speak up and say something. If they can’t handle your honesty then they aren’t worth your time.
8. Make “I love you” mean something.
In today’s society, the word 'love' has started to lose its true meaning. We 'love' ice-cream. We 'love' a good movie. And… we 'love' the idea of being 'in love' with someone else. To be honest, I don’t think a whole lot of people even know what the word love means anymore. What I do know, is that when sincere, those three words change everything in a relationship. My advice -- make those three words count because once you’ve said them you can’t take them back.
9. Know when it’s over.
The most dangerous stage in the relationship is when it’s ending. At this point, it’s been several months or even years and you’ve grown so accustomed to being with the other person that you can’t bring yourself to leave them even when you know it’s the best thing for both of you. People change and the connection that you once felt just might change right along with it. No one wants to hurt someone they’ve loved, but sometimes you have to let go.
10. Heartbreak hurts.
One of the hardest things about relationships is the aftermath once they're over. Breakups hurt you in a way that nothing else can and learning how to move on is a skill that everyone has to learn at some point in their lives. The greatest advice that I can give you is to focus on the good times during the relationship rather than the bad times. Don't lose yourself trying to get revenge or trying to recreate the past, but remember that you can only move forward from here.
This probably isn't the speech that your mom gave you about relationships. However, I'd argue that it's equally important. While it's nice to believe that relationships are all rainbows and butterflies -- that's just not realistic in an imperfect world. There's love out there, but we shouldn't hop in too quickly or else we'll end up getting hurt in the long run. Protect yourselves because relationships aren't always what they're cracked up to be.
