1. You conveniently ignore all discouraging media reports and signs from the financial market or dismiss them as "scaremongering."
Dear reader, you're probably thinking this: "What do those people at "The Economist" think they're talking about when they say we are 'footloose'? Or that we are going to crippled every which way financially? It can't be that bad out there... Right?"
2. You already sent out a dozen job applications, even though you don't have the diploma to back it up.
For many a senior student who isn't interested in graduate school, it may be for the best to hit the ground running when it comes to the job market. And for just as employers, finding workers who meet their qualifications is a little tough these days. So, some of you have already sent out job applications as well as applications for high-ranking internships whose deadlines will come soon. Though the interviews will be coming up, and you will have to catch yourself from saying this:
3. Deep down inside, you are very much concerned over the state of the future.
Let's cut to the chase here: eight years of high school and college have taught you that life is not a bed of roses. And even though the economy is recovering slowly, it is being threatened by a voter base that is more interested in trying to resurrect what they believed to be dead but in reality never existed. Have no fear, dear reader, you have every right to be afraid.
4. But for a variety of personal reasons, you will never publicly admit to agreeing with #3
It may be to reassure your family and friends, it may be to look good in front of employers, or it may be just personal pride. Whatever it is, you need to keep up a cheerful and positive facade. All it is now is just a matter of making sure said facade constantly holds up.
5. You look forward to being considered a legitimate force in both culture and politics in the eyes of everyone else.
Gone will be the days where you are mocked by country club elites and rural hicks for concepts like "safe spaces" and "global leadership". You are out in the world, and you and your generational compatriots can form together to gain serious clout in society. Of course, translating it into success is another issue, but that is what gives life meaning, no?
6. You get frustrated over having to plow through every minute assignment and paper that the professors put you through.
Because at this point in time, you already know what to do and you want to get there as quickly as you reasonably can. And to be frank, that five-page paper that is due Monday is just pure busy work in your eyes. In the words of Monty Python:
7. You are putting more hours into your job so you have the extra money to buy some up-to-date formal wear.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. And in this case, the only that needs to be changed in the phrase "The clothes make the man" is the gendered noun. And sometimes, you will come to a point where you're fussing over other people's clothes as well.
8. You look forward to the first party/formal even you go to where the alcohol is guaranteed to NOT taste like moose urine.
While you are in college, your basic criteria for all manner of stiff drinks is the following question:
But times have changed rapidly, along with your taste buds. You're a responsible adult who wants to be respected in life, not a Trump supporter. Going to parties where the only options for drinks were Natty Ice, Bud Light or bring your own were perfectly acceptable in your undergrad years. But you are going to leave those times behind, only to resurface whenever you go to a music festival.
9. You look forward to living completely independently of your obnoxious family.
Yes, you do love them, and yes, they have done a lot for you. However, they are starting to wear down on your nerves a little. Especially when your parents are wanting to know all the minute details of your dating life. At this point in life, you just want to keep it to holidays and the occasional weekend and/or medical emergency.
10. And most importantly of all, you just want the commencement ceremony hurry up, come and get done already.
Once that is accomplished, you will feel and be broken free from the stifling family unit that has held you back emotionally (technically part of #9, but do you really care?). Enjoy the freedom while it lasts, dear reader. Because once you hit 30, you will be hit with a major desire to settle down and start a family. And that old specter will come back to you and say this:
