I am a rare breed of humans known as anti-romantics. I will elaborate on this. I do not hate love, I hate romance. I laugh at Romcoms because they will never be real life, PDA gives me the creeps, and over the top declarations of undying love make me want to jump out a window. I mean, those things might work for some people, and thats fine. You do you, but someone calling me a ridiculous pet name or posting about our 6-monthiversary on Facebook completely turns me off. My brain is just not wired that way, there is nothing I can nor want to do about it. So, in honor of my fellow ant-romantics and our aversion to anything lovey-dovey, here are 10 romantic things that are enough to make me lose my lunch. Warning, there will probably unwavering cynicism throughout this entire article.
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Nope, no making out or random cuddling in public for this girl. Hand-holding, maybe, MAYBE, but that is it.
2. Mushy Poems
It is the thought that counts, but I honestly don't care that you think my eyes shine bright like the morning sun. My eyes are green, that makes no sense.
3. Valentines Day
Aren't hallmark holidays great? They make you think sappy cards and heart shaped EVERYTHING is the key to someone's affection. I apologize, but you are in for a rude awakening if you think getting me a heart shaped pizza is gonna make me fall in love with you. Try again, but I will take that pizza though.
You call me your little cupcake snuggle love muffin, and I will break your face. I have an actual name, please use it.
5. Public Wedding Proposals
It makes saying no really awkward.
6. Over The Top Weddings
I'm already in debt, thank you. Who pays 10,000 for a dress that gets worn once?
I am sorry, but I will not congratulate you on managing to make it though five months together. Call me when you become my grandparents and survive 50 years of marriage and still like each other, then I might congratulate you.
8. Flowers On The First Date
My pollen allergy thanks you. Oh, and they will probably die in a week. Want to impress me? Give me french fries, and maybe we'll talk.
9. Ordering For Your Significant Other
WHY IS THIS A THING?! WHO MADE THIS A THING?! No Jeremy, or Josh, or whatever your name is, I do not want the kale salad, I WANT THE STEAK.
10. Matching Outfits
My face is permanently cringed for the rest of my life now. Explain me how wearing a "his" shirt means we will be together forever and ever?
So you see, romance is not my thing, and guess what? That is fine. I don't need it to validate my relationship. Against what people believe, I have an awesome boyfriend whom I'm very happy with. So yeah, I'm an anti-romantic and my love life is great. I feel like we put so much pressure on ourselves in relationships to be perfect, when all we really need to do is be honest and be ourselves. So, to all my fellow romance haters, keep doing you. You'll find someone who appreciates you for it.