I know that I am not the only super-pale person out there, that is for sure, but I still like to think of myself as an endangered species especially when the days begin to last longer and the sun is brighter. During these months I find myself trying to enjoy the weather, because, overall, I love the sun, but then I remember how tragically pale I am and will always be. But in the end does that really matter?
1. Tan Lines
You know all those tan lines that you see on the incredibly hotter-than-you girl you have been stalking on Instagram? Well, you will never have those.
2. Swim Suits
I don’t know about the rest of you, but those cute black swimsuits everyone is wearing aren't adorable if you look like the Yin and Yang symbol.
3. Lying Out
I love trying to get some vitamin D in my body but not at the expense of everyone else’s retinas. It usually comes to the point where I actually tell people to shield their eyes.
4. Cover Ups
Call me old-fashioned, but I like to wear cover-ups when I go to the pool, I find them comfortable and easy to get on and off versus shorts and a tank top. Anyways it has come to my attention that often these cover ups are white and when you are the same shade as your cover up there is almost no point.
5. Taking Pictures
Remember that incredibly hot girl that you have been stalking on Instagram with the tan lines you want but will never have? Well she is your best friend, and you will never take a photo next to her ever during summer no matter how often she begs you.
6. Sunscreen
Due to your tragic paleness, you bring the 50+ baby sunscreen, because being a lobster is not what you are going for, but then one of your friends inevitably asks if you have sunscreen, you say yes and hand it to them. More often than not, they will sigh and say, “Well, I was going to try and tan today but it's fine, maybe some other time.”
7. Burning
Being the main course at Red Lobster is never on the to do list, but of course, no matter how much baby sunscreen and waterproof sunscreen you apply in multiple coats, you still leave with a burn resembling someone lost in the desert for weeks.
8. Appropriate Clothing
Even when it is 90 degrees and all your friends are wearing tank tops and shorts, you still have on a short sleeve and leggings because even a step in the sun wearing a tank top means burnt to sh*t shoulders, arms, legs, face, everything.
9. Makeup
I do not know about the rest of humanity, but a few of my friends buy different color foundation when summer comes around because they become darker. I, on the other hand, do not have this problem and never will, so I guess my bank account will thank me later.
10. The Fake Tan.
I do not recommend the fake tan, but I do know people who swear by it in the summer months. Unfortunately, due to my paleness, when that stuff goes on, it goes on strong, like coated-in-Cheetos-dust strong and does not come off until all of your family, friends, friends of friends, and those friends' dogs and grandparents have seen you rocking the "Orange is the New Tan" look.
Even though I will never be the tannest one on the beach and never be able to rock all those black swimsuits, I think summer is still a great time of year. You get to be with friends you haven’t seen in months and get to go on those road trips you talked about doing senior year of high school but never got around to.
In the end, you do you and enjoy summer while it lasts, no matter how tragically pale you are.
