1. Pizza won't tell you that you look fat in a dress.
Although pizza might create a continuation of that statement, you can open the box with ease that you won't get a dirty look for wearing a crop top with my freshman 15 still hanging out.
2. It can be made to your liking.
Let's face it, most people in our lives usually don't accommodate to what exactly we want in a person ... but pizza can. I want pepperoni and sausage, not your bad personality.
3. Pizza will hold your hand in any situation.
No matter where you've been all day, a box of pizza will grab you with cheesy goodness. I bet you could even eat a slice on the toilet, no shame!
4. It's your best passenger in the car.
No matter how many red lights you miss, you can bet your loyal passenger won't say a thing (it's inanimate, so yeah). I even buckle up my pie if I know the road has extra potholes - everyone else can sit in the back.
5. Pizza is delicious warm AND cold.
How does this relate to people, you ask? If you have a friend who is a blast when they're in a good mood but a dragon in the morning, you should just be eating pizza. I mean, think about it. Any time of day you can enjoy a slice, but you can only occasionally enjoy your friends.
6. Pizza won't forget to hand in its part of work for a group project.
This one is a little back handed. I've spent PowerPoint after PowerPoint doing above and beyond whatever my group members were doing (probably drinking). Honestly, if my professor just paired me with a box of pizza it would have been a much more enjoyable experience. We'd share ideas, I would get my complex carb energy to finish the project, and it would save me crying the night before because I have to write a script for all seven members in my group.
7. It will motivate you to go to the gym.
Not everyone's perfect and can eat four slices without bloating the next morning. If I'm grabbing a slice of pizza, I will do my best to make it to the gym the next day - that is a hesitant "do my best." If I just ate a salad that day and none of my friends are into it, I probably won't go to the gym. Pizza has your back and wants you to get into shape (after you run off the calories consumed from the pizza itself). The perfect balance of happy eating and horrible, painful, and sweaty exercising.
8. When the party is bad ... there's always pizza.
We can't all be entertained 24/7 by frat parties and family gatherings. There comes a time when you sneak away to the kitchen, grab some food, and shove your face in the pantry closet away from most people. Bonus points if there's pizza bites; scoop them into a cup and hang out in the upstairs bathroom until your mom calls you to leave.
9. There's never a bad time.
Early morning from the fridge, or late at night after the bars, there's never a bad time. You could totally want to be alone for the night and take your pants off; but you can bet a box of pizza on the side will make any alone time even better. Could you imagine a night on the couch watching Mean Girls by yourself, and a friend stops by? Ugh, the nerve. Pizza wouldn't show up unannounced.
10. It looks better than most people.
Who can compare to the warm, cheesy, crunchy, meaty, deliciousness that pizza is. I mean, I'll cover myself in cheese and lay in the sun for a few hours, but I won't look half as good as a freshly opened box of pizza.
