Despite annoyances that seem to pop up in our daily lives, we have to stick together to defeat the stigmas that have condemned us for decades. Being gay shouldn't be about your skin tone and shouldn't be confined to just one. After all, our flag is a rainbow, and you can't have a rainbow without some color!
1. Reading "No Blacks" on dating sites
For those gay men who venture into the worlds of geolocation, "dating" apps, like Grindr or Jack'd, you've come across this phrase on various profiles one too many times. As a gay, Black man looking to meet like-minded individuals and spark new friendships, it can be more than discouraging. These users, who so blatantly state their "preferences", are rejecting an entire demographic of people based solely on the color of their skin.
2. "No Blacks" leads us to lie about our identities
Well, if I'll be turned away for identifying as Black, I should list another, passable ethnicity, right? I'm sort of 'Mixed'. My grandmother's Cuban. That should count, right?!
3. Some black communities don't accept us
In a sensitive day and age, heightened by rampant police brutality and systematic racism, you would assume that people of color would band together. But in a community where men have to be hyper-masculine and face constant threats to their survival, there seems to be little room for more effeminate gay men, who may be seen as weak, fragile, and easy targets. Even in countries like Jamaica, which still has Buggery Laws that prohibit certain same-sex relations, there is a sense that gay men are not fully accepted by the people they were birthed by, raised by, and should relate to the most.
4. We're fetishized A LOT
"I've never been with a Black guy before, but I wanna try it." Why's that?
And is that the only reason?
5. We lack visibility in the media
"Queer as Folk" is one of the most daring LGBT series of its time, with quirky characters, heartfelt moments, and… lots of White people. I don't remember one character of color in that entire series, actually. HBO's Looking suffered from the same issue, only casting one or two gay roles that featured men of color. When the minority LGBTQ youth watch gay programming, searching for relatable stories, who are they supposed to look up to? Sometimes it seems as though the image of the gay world is dominated by the White face.
6. Religion
This is very prominent in lots of Black communities, and the ideas concerning homosexuality and the church's opinions on it are often conflicting. If you're constantly reminded that your "lifestyle" is a path to doom and gloom, you'll feel disconnected from the very place that's supposed to provide you with solace, emotional support, and spiritual guidance.
7. We are a DOUBLE minority?
It depends on how one defines "minority" today, but as two of the many groups of people that are often oppressed for simply existing, we have to deal with two times the judgment. Imagine the newer, more creative jokes they'll come up with for us.
8. Sometimes we have to pick one cause over another
Some will make it so that we should be more passionate about the Black Lives Matter movement, or we should devote all of our time and energy to advancing LGBTQ rights. It's not like choosing apples and oranges folks!
9. Our complexions are scaled by attractiveness
"I like you because you're not that dark, you know?" Or, one of my favorites… "You're attractive for a Black guy".
10. We're the "token" everything
Our straight friends may treat us like pets, describing us as their only "gay Black friend". Then we have to adhere to all of the stereotypes that come with both. We have to be fashion-forward, funny and eccentric, recommend good urban music, and let them use Grindr to see what it's like
