In case you're going to say that feminism sucks and feminists are stupid, let me go ahead and do it for you. I'll even throw in 10 reasons why feminists happen to be the worst people on the planet because I think we can all agree, they are literally the worst.
1. They speak their mind too much and too loudly.
Once I was taking a nap only to be awoken by a feminist yelling about equal rights and the glass ceiling. It's a true story or, at least if it was, crimes of this nature would need to be stopped. I need at least 10 hours of sleep. Women's rights can come later... Maybe.
2. They're not making sandwiches.
You know what feminists aren't doing when they're out there protesting the gender pay gap and waking me from my precious naps? They're not making sandwiches, that's for sure. Everyone knows those sandwiches aren't going to make themselves and yet they seem to be ignoring the bread that's calling their name. Selfish.
3. They ain't even pretty.
Why is it that feminists believe they don't need makeup? Why are they out there on the streets telling women of all ages that Crocs and messy buns are OK? What I mean is, it's a woman's responsibility to look nice and add beauty to an otherwise bleak world. That's not only poetry, it's a compliment.
4. And yet they're confident in themselves?
Feminist have been brainwashing women into thinking they are good just the way they are, for far too long. Women need to learn that they just aren't that fantastic. They aren't that smart, they aren't that funny and quite frankly, they'd be lost without the help of men and plastic surgery. Sorry, but it's the God's honest truth.
5. They also think they're better than men.
Just where exactly do feminists get off thinking that they are better than men? I mean, have they even looked in a science textbook lately? Men are stronger and they have larger "you know whats." In a world where size does matter, it's pretty obvious who takes home the prize.
6. They write snarky articles.
Feminists are a real trip. They wake up, put their sassy pants on, sit behind the screen of a laptop and type away about the "patriarchy" and "women's rights." Don't they know all that sass is just wasted energy they could have been spending on a really tasty sandwich? I guess not.
7. They say no.
Once upon a time, there was a glorious era when women would say nothing but yes. Want to massage my feet, honey? Yes. Can I have a sandwich, honey? Yes. Does this suit look good on me, honey? Yes. Now the feminists have got them going to school, learning to say no, and using math and stuff. Things aren't boding well for the natural order.
8. They get mad.
I used to think that a woman's emotions were strictly regulated to "that time of the month", but feminists have proven that to be all wrong. Feminists get mad over everything—the pay gap, tampon taxes, cat calls, genital mutilation. Man, what doesn't bother them?
9. They're ungrateful.
You know, you'd think that feminists would be happy. They can vote now and with the 70 cents they're getting, they can almost buy a full candy bar. Not a whole one—those usually cost a dollar—but that's a whole 70 cents that could have been going to a man.
10. They're going to change the world.
They think all this article writing, protest going, running for president stuff is actually going to change people's minds. Well, it is, and that's the worst part. They're coming for you and they're coming for your family, too. Feminists are just the worst.
