I don't have a perfect relationship. We don't see eye to eye on everything. Sometimes we annoy each other and sometimes we have disagreements. However, these disagreements do not last for hours and end in a dramatic makeup after yelling and tears. We have fun together and enjoy each other's company for almost all the time we spend together. I think society needs to get rid of this idea that relationships are rocky and difficult inherently. I think if you are in college or high school, you are way too young to be fighting for a relationship.
1. Screaming, fighting, and kissing in the rain is not cute.
Call me crazy but I think it's romantic when my boyfriend and I sit at home and coexist happily. If we have a conflict, we solve it. He doesn't have to show up at my house in a thunderstorm on horseback shouting at me to prove his passion.
2. "Fighting for our love," is something that 50-year-olds that have been married for 30 years say to keep the family together.
If you are young and in college or even high school, save that for later. If you are having to fight to save the relationship, let it go. You shouldn't have to fight for a relationship you have been in for one year.
3. It is not healthy.
It is not healthy to feel like you have to ignore things that bother you. I don't mean ignoring him forgetting to close the shower curtain for the 100th time. I mean ignoring that he belittles you, makes you feel unworthy and makes you feel like you need to change who you are. There is a difference in trying to grow together and learn from each other and changing who you are as a person.
4. It is exhausting.
Fighting takes so much energy, physically and emotionally. It drains you and it does not help your overall well-being.
5. Learning how to deal with disagreements in a reasonable way is part of growing up.
Not every little thing should be a screaming match that lasts hours. You should be able to say, "Hey we're clearly miscommunicating about this, let's fix it." If you cannot do that, one or both of you need help.
6. Why would you waste your time with someone who doesn't make you happy?
Life is short. Be with someone who makes going to the grocery store fun. Don't be with someone who gets mad when you don't text back in a minute. Your life and your time are precious so don't waste it on someone who makes you miserable.
7. The whole point of a relationship is having someone to lean on.
You cannot lean on someone who is unpredictable and untrustworthy. I could not date someone who was not around to fully support me and help me along the way.
8. You can't change someone.
If you go into a relationship thinking you can change someone you will end up disappointed. People are who they are and you can't expect them to do a 180 the second you start dating, or even years after dating. You should already be in love with who they are.
9. You deserve better.
You deserve someone who loves all the stuff that the person in this toxic relationship hates. Similar to earlier, there is a significant difference in, "I think you are overthinking the situation, let's talk through it." and, "You overthink things and I hate it."
10. That isn't love.
Love is not all this drama. Relationships this young should be fun and exciting. If you are fighting 24/7 after dating for a year, what do you think it will look like in 10 years? Enjoy your time being young not having to worry about all the drama that might come later. It isn't worth the stress.
