As petty as it may sound, I like my pets more than I like most people. Not to insult anyone, but they have numerous attributes that leave people shabby in comparison. Here's 10 reasons why I prefer pets over people (sorry not sorry).
1. They're significantly more attractive.
I don't think this one really even needs an explanation. You can't argue with the facts. When you have an adorable wagging tale and a soft beautiful fur coat, come talk to me. Until then, you're wrong, and they're prettier than you.
2. They can't talk (praise Jesus).
I don't want my pet to be able to talk to me. I talk to people every day, and I am not impressed. Pets can't insult you or say something to annoy you. They just exist. They meow/bark and go on their way, and that is enough encouragement for me.
3. They love you no matter what kind of person you are.
So you're not cool, smart, athletic, or really even that nice. Well, pets don't care what kind of person you are in the real world. Quite frankly, you could be pretty awful, but as long as you caress and love them, you're good.
4. You're never alone.
Betty calls and asks if you want to go out tonight. You tell her that you really just want to stay in and watch movies, which she responds by asking if you're alone. "No, Oliver is here." Betty is so silly; you're never alone. You instantly start appreciation petting Oliver because he is real. A dog? Maybe. Real? Definitely.
5. You have a permanent cuddle buddy.
No boyfriend/girlfriend? No problem. Your pet will always be there to snuggle with you at night. The best part is that you don't have to look cute for them, they don't care if you snore, drool, take all of the blankets, or talk in your sleep. Finding a warm body to sleep next to you has never been so rewarding.
6. They're personal therapists.
I'm too poor for an actual shrink to listen to the daily accounts of my mediocre life. Luckily, my cat doesn't charge or ask how I feel every ten minutes. I don't want advice on my issues. I just want to know that someone is listening, and my pet is doing just that. She has no idea what I'm talking about, but I can tell from the way that she looks at me that she understands. Pets = free therapy.
7. They give you an excuse to leave social functions.
"Oh, I'm sorry guys, but I really need to go. Sadie has been by herself all day, and it's past her dinner time. Actually, I bet Oliver needs to go outside and use the bathroom, too. Have a great night!" Then you proceed to drive home and appreciate your pet even more for relinquishing you from the nuisance of interacting with people.
8. You don't need friends.
The whole purpose in friendship is to receive companionship and love, right? I don't know about you, but my 20 pound Siamese cat shows me more love than my salty coworker who constantly tries to pry into the inner depths of my life.
9. Owning a vacuum cleaner is optional.
Did you drop a bag of chips on the floor? No worries. Oliver has already rounded the corner, ate the chips, and licked the floor clean of crumbs so that the ants don't appear. Sweet heavens, is he a dog, friend, boyfriend, or maid? All of the above.
10. They can help you eliminate awkward silence.
When you go to someone's house for the first time and there is a lag in the conversation, pets are your saving grace. "That's a nice fluffy cat you've got there. What's his/her name? Come here kitty kitty."
Pets + people - people = happiness.
