Yes, I'm from Long Island. I have lived their my whole life, and have loved every minute of it. Sure, people think we're a bunch of idiots and we sort of look like America's penis, but at least we have bagels, beaches, pizza, the city, etc. This list can go on and on. Long Island is also a part of the best state of the union, New York. Not only are we the best, but we are sooo much better than New Jersey. Long Island is better than New Jersey, which means that New York is just overwhelmingly greater than the Dirty Jerz. Please don't try to get in a fight over which state is better: New York or New Jersey, because in the end you know people from New York are going to win. It's inevitable fact of life. People from New Jersey, I hope I'm not the first one to tell you this but I'm just going to give it to you straight: you are the armpit of New York. Okay, cool. Is that all cleared up for everyone?

People not from Long Island, please don't try to pretend like you understand us. We are an eclectic breed of humans that you couldn't possibly relate to. You may hate us, which is fine because deep down you are just jealous of all we have. I mean come on, depending on your location on Long Island, how many people can say their 20 minutes from the beach and 20 minutes from the greatest city in the US? Not many. We will try not to rub your faces in our awesomeness...wait...no...who I am kidding. We will gloat, brag, and boost about the greatness that is Long Island because as Long Islanders that's what we do. Let me shed some light on why Long Island is the best place ever.

1. We're a short train ride away from the greatest city ever, New York City. That alone should make please want to live on Long Island.

2. The beaches are everywhere. And we have the BEST BEACHES EVER. It's like everyone you turn there is another beach waiting for you to wade in it's surf and pass out in the sand.

3. It's the inspiration behind the Great Gatsby. Thank you Manhasset and Great Neck for inspiring the East and West eggs.

4. Going to concerts at the Jones Beach theatre as a drunk teenager or as an adult and listening to the great music that is offered.

5. The Hamptons, Just google pictures and ooze jealously.

6. Billy F*cking Joel. Enough said.

7. The bagels are orgasmic.There is nothing like starting your day off with a New York bagel. If your day sucks at least you had a bagel for breakfast.

8. Everyone plays lacrosse for some reason, and we're good at it.

9. Ralph's Italian Ices. The perfect way to end a hot summer day.

10. The Italian Food (Pizza). If you are ever on Long Island just drive yourself to an Umberto's and get ready for your life to be changed.

11. The Long Island Rail Road is super convenient.

12. Drinking on the Long Island Rail Road is super convenient

13. All of the delis.

14. Going to a Sweet 16 every other weekend. You will fill like the biggest celebrity.

15. We have our own vineyards and vineyards make wine and everyone loves wine.

16. Our diners are open 24 hours because it's never not time for a belgian waffle or cheese fries.

17. We have some of the best shopping on the East Coast.

18. Splish Splash/Adventureland is where you spent most of your childhood summers.

19. Mariah Carrey was born here (we're sorry).

20. If you live here you will hate living anywhere else.