10 Reasons I Love To Hate My Dog

Everyone knows that dog is man's best friend. Dogs have done everything from saving children from fires, to staring in Budweiser commercials. The undeniable hard truth (for some, a.k.a. cat people) is that everyone just loves dogs. To be honest, if someone I meet doesnt like dogs I, 1.) don't trust them, and 2.) question their thinking on just about everything else in life. No other animal compares to the loyalty and intelligence of a dog. Sorry Cat people, call me when your cat can sniff out drugs, bombs, and find a skiier after an avalanche. Sometimes though, owning a dog can be frustrating and weirdly adorable at the same time. I can never quite be full on mad at my dog, because I love my dog. Usually its a feeling of love/hate (More love than hate--like 99% love). Here are 10 out of about a million things, that I love to hate about my dog.

1. The Slobber.

"Okay, as cute as you look with that grin on your face, you are drooling more than a newborn child drools, just after being fed. Dude, close your mouth! if you'd close it, maybe you wouldn't drool so much! Duh!! Okay, sorry I forgot you aren't a human and that you don't speak English.".

2. Peeing In The House.

"Okay, we literally just went for a walk and you've peed 3 times in the house. Do you not do grass or something?"....And here I go talking to my dog again.

3. The Begging.

All dogs are notorious for begging. It's not just around dinner time, it's anytime food is present, or anytime food comes to mind. My dogs both come running into the kitchen every time they hear me open the refrigerator door. Its like Pavlov's bell to them, and they think they're getting fed. Either way, when they make that face, I always break down and give them food. Because if you deny that face, there is a strong chance that you have no soul. or you may like cats. Same thing.

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4. Barking At Nothing.

Maybe it's the black and white vision, or it could just be straight up hysteria, due to the fact that my dog hits herself in the head with coconuts. Its like she's trying to perform a bar trick with that thing!

5. Eating Everything. Literally Everything.

It's no secret that dogs, especially when they're young, are destructive. I'm not sure whether they're bored all day, or just looking to cause some mischief. But either way, I know I'm not alone when I say: My dog will eat anything. The laces on my sperrys, grass, and even fake decorative fruit. When they get their hands on some real food though, it's insanely messy and hilarious to watch.

6. That Look.

If you don't know what "the look" is by now, then you're probably reading this while petting your 15 cats. Its okay though, because the look is when all previous training dies, and you submit to your dogs will to either be pet, fed, played with, or taken out. The look is the universal dog sign for "pretty please with a cherry on top can we do what I want?".

7. All The Money You Spent On Toys And A Bed.

Once you get a dog, you become very familiar with the pet store.The people who work there also know how much you love your dog, so a 50 or 100 dollar dog bed seems reasonable. And even if it doesn't, if it makes your dog happy, it makes you happy. Sometimes though, at the end of the day your dog wants nothing to do with the expensive bed and toys, but just wants to sleep next to you. Which is totally fine, because that's priceless.

8. The Shedding.

Anyone with a Golden Retriever or Lab is familiar with this phenomenon. I know they're dogs, but I still find it hard to believe that so much hair can fall off and they have no visible signs of balding. (sounds like every old guy's dream).

9. They Always Look Better Than You In Photos.

Why is it that when we take photos, my dog always looks better than me? How do i know this is true? Because studies show (aka my instagram) that photos with dogs in them induce a more positive response (a.k.a. more likes) from people. Even when dogs aren't paying attention, they look like they meant to do whatever dog like thing they're doing in that moment. Exhibit A: This is my friend's dog and an honorary member of the fraternity, Lee. Lee somehow looks better than just about all of us on the composite because.. .well... you can see for yourself.

10. Licking My Face.

This one actually makes me laugh every time, because it's a sign of respect and love, but it also doesn't change the fact that Colgate should sponsor my dogs, because they all have the worst breath.