Before I begin, I would like to thank everyone in my dorm and around campus for this content. These are all anonymous as I don't even know who said them. Enjoy.
1.) "DUUUDE! I just burped and I puked everywhere!"
At least he was happy about it, right?
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2.) "I knew it smelled like vaginas in here!"
Congrats, buddy, that is quite a talent you have.
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3.) "He peed himself because he has a UTI and can't hold it in, so it's not his fault he peed on your shoes."
These excuses make a lot more sense when you're a few dozen beers into the night.
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4.) "Yeah, we got six people living in this room right now. It's a duplex!"
TBH I loled so hard at this one.
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5.) "My pee is almost a normal color again!"
Thanks for the update!
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6.) "If the Pats lose I'm gonna get really drunk by myself and die."
Same, dude.
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7.) "I'm getting so blackout tonight, I don't care about my 8 AM."
#priorities, am I right?
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8.) "Someone just put their finger in my ass I don't appreciate that."
Yikes, I'm sorry you feel that way.
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9.) "Yeah I think I fell asleep on her last night."
Oh, that poor girl.
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10.) "College is like looking both ways before you cross the street then getting hit by a plane."
RETWEET.
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