As a server, I meet a lot of really interesting people. Some of them are wonderful. They tip 20%, they say please, and they make me feel like I'm not at work. Others are a little harder to keep happy. Here are some of the crazy characters I meet as a server.
1. The Interrupter.
"Hi! My name's..."
"Water." "Lemon."
.....
You know the one. You might have one in your family. If I suggest a beer, she looks at me like I've offended her ancestors. She wants water, with lemon, and don't even bother asking about an appetizer. Don't bother with the scripted introduction. She wants what she said, and she wants it now.
2. The texter.
"What can I get for you?"
*Continues looking at phone*
"....Sir?"
*Glances up, rolls eyes, looks back at phone*
*Other person orders for them and looks at you apologetically.*
3.The "Extra Extra Lemon."
"Uh, can I have a water, but with extra lemon. Imma make my own lemonade."
4. The "I need extra everything."
You haven't even taken them to their table yet, and she's already requesting extra sauces and napkins because she's a "messy bessy." And if you forget, there goes your tip.
5. The "No appetizers, but LOTS of bread."
"Can I start you with some stuffed mushrooms?"
"Y'all got that bread?"
6. The Thirsty Son.
I think every large family I serve has that one son. He drinks his drink impossibly fast, and when I come back with salads, he demands a refill, while his family is still casually sipping on the first drink.
"Okay! I'll get that right out. Anything else for you?"
"A Refill. Like I just said."
7. The "You were SO GREAT. But we don't tip."
You ran your butt off. Extra everything, great conversation, treated them like royalty. Maybe she left you a note at the top of the receipt. Maybe she just left the money for the bill there and slipped out before you could notice, but she told you the entire time how great you are, and couldn't afford to tip you. Your compliments don't pay the bills.
8. The Worshipper.
Not every table I encounter is bad. Most of them are actually pretty great. This is one of my favorites. You set down her overpriced cocktail, and she's ready for another. You set down that shrimp, and she tells you that you are a gift from God, and this shrimp is the greatest part of her day. Then she doubles what you've made so far with the tip, and faith is restored in humanity.
9. The "This is not what I ordered."
You took the order, read it back, and magically when you drop off the food, it's wrong.
"Sir, I have it written right here. You ordered the scampi."
"No.. I ordered grilled shrimp."
You show him your order book, and remind him that you even verified it with him, and the rest of the family's food is perfect. He quickly shuts up, or he throws a fit and requests that his entire meal is comped.
10. The camper.
It might be the single person that's been deep in a book for three hours. It might be the old gal pals that haven't seen each other in 80 years. They may or may not make up for it with the tip, but they will definitely take up that table your entire shift.
