It came to my attention that I should probably make a new email address when my doctor asked where she should send a copy of my health forms, and I responded with “xoSoFtBaLlgAlxo@aim.com”. This username was created during the peak of my childhood, probably when I was about 9 years old. It was a blatant attempt to show the duel-nature of my personality, meant to show my sweet side with the “xo” but also my athletic side with the “softball gal” part. The alternating uppercase-lowercase letters were just an addition to show everyone how ~creative~ of a fourth grader I was.
We all have those cringe-worthy things that we used to do -- an embarrassing email address wasn’t the only thing I was guilty of having at that age. The only thing we can do to relieve the PTSD that these memories bring us is to find comfort in the fact that we all did them. Therefore, I present you a list with some of the many, many mortifying things from our past that we all have in common.
1. We bought all of our clothes from Abercrombie and Hollister.
Although the merchandise must’ve been at a 200 percent markup and walking into the store immediately induced a headache from the incompatible concoction of fragrances inside, I couldn’t get enough of these stores. The lack of natural light and the pulsing music created an ambiance for shopping that couldn’t be rivaled.
2. We wanted impractical cell-phones just because they looked cool.
Does anyone remember the Juke cell phone? It was either bright teal or bright red, and couldn’t have been larger than a clothespin. Although it was so small that you could hit all 12 keys at the same time with just one finger, it was still THE phone to have.
3. We typed with an obnoxious amount of letters while texting and typing online.
Because the ride home from school was way too long to be separated from my school friends, I would rush home just to talk to them online.
Heyyyyyy (:
Heeyyyy, sup?
Nm, lol, hbu??
Ntm, jc, rofl.
To counteract the extra letters, I also used a ton of shortcuts and abbreviations. I remember using AIM to exchange a ton of heartfelt, meaningful conversations such as the one above.
4. We shamelessly stuck our tongues out and threw up peace signs in pictures.
If you took a group photo with five girls, I can guarantee that there would be at least five peace signs in the picture as well. On top of promoting world peace (because that’s why we all held them out, right?), it also made us look really fun. I wouldn’t be surprised if my mouth was open and my tongue was sticking out in my family’s Christmas card. Sorry, mom.
5. We worked tirelessly on perfecting our AIM buddy profiles.
Then, I would follow up with each of my friends’ names, strategically placing the initials of my closest friends in the front of the long list (because I had soooo many friends). Some girl would be rude and eventually confront me at school about how another person was listed before her in my profile. So what would I do? Move that hostile girl’s initials further back. Ouchhhhhhh.
6. We would be excited about changing the color of the rubber bands on our braces.
I dread going to the orthodontist every year because I receive the same lecture about the importance of wearing my retainer. (The speech has no effect on me whatsoever… I still don’t wear it.) But when I was younger, I actually enjoyed the trip because it meant that I would be able to change the color of my braces. For picture day one year, I vividly remember coordinating the color of my braces to a new Abercrombie shirt that I bought for the occasion. I definitely would rate myself 10/10.
7. We connected via Tamagotchi.
We’d all carry these little egg-shaped key-chains around and link up with each other by pressing the together. This small, virtual pet was both complicated and time-consuming – the device had a total of three buttons (wow!) and you had to feed and bathe your little creature. Talk about responsibility, am I right?
8. We all owned the same little pets.
These were a little more legit than the aforementioned virtual pets. Most people owned hermit crabs, hamsters or little goldfish. I happened to be original and own not one, but two leopard geckos. Unfortunately, these little pets that we owned typically didn’t stay around for long. Nothing has traumatized me more than when I won a goldfish from a game at a carnival and it died on the car ride home. RIP.
9. We took modelesque pictures using PhotoBooth.
Black and white, comic book, X-ray… the options are endless when it comes to picking an effect to photograph yourself with using your webcam. If anyone was to hack into my computer, the main thing I’d be worried about them getting ahold of was the countless albums of PhotoBooth pictures I took of myself. No matter how any times I try to delete them, they always somehow seem to reappear.
10. Club penguin was the hottest spot to be at.
A significant part of my day was dedicated to spending time on Club Penguin – the equivalent of today’s Facebook, except for it being way cooler and more exclusive. I would plant myself in front of the computer and get lost in the melee of contests and shops. It was all good until I got banned for life after typing a swear word to a fellow penguin after losing a game against her. Sh*t.
