Working in retail has its ups and downs. One of the best parts about it is bonding with coworkers by commiserating about the experience of cashier-dom, and by that, I mean gossiping about the customers. Some customers are great, and some aren’t. Here’s a field guide to all the customers you meet in retail.
1. The One That Asks for Change
This person needs change. Rules at different places are different, but if someone wants change for a larger bill, that means you have to clear out all your tens, fives, and ones to make change for this person. And then, you can’t make change for customers after that because The One That Asks for Change has eaten your entire till out. It’s a vicious cycle.
2. The One That Pays with a Hundred-Dollar Bill
Disclaimer: anyone paying a $60 or higher bill with a hundred does not fall into this category.
This person has a small to reasonably sized purchase. You tell them their bill, say it’s $25.86. They pull out a big ole’ Ben Franklin and you have to try not to blow steam out of your ears. You have to make change for that, and it cleans out your till... see above.
3. The One That Starts a Conversation
This person might be asking you about your shift… “Long day?” “You must be excited to get out of here” et. Cetera. They might be talking about the weather, or asking for directions (which I can’t do for the life of me, so don’t ask. Use your smartphone like the modern-day human you are). They might ask about your college or high school. Granted, sometimes it’s enjoyable and a good break from the monotone, but sometimes it’s a series of flat laughs, empty nods, and indifferent yes's.
4. The One That Asks for a Discount
Similar to The One That Starts a Conversation, this person thinks that since you are cashing them out, you are automatically best friends and he/she should get a discount. My personal favorite is when they ask for a discount while there’s already a sale going on.
5. The One That Hits On You
Ah, this one’s a doozy. Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s embarrassing, and sometimes it’s both. Sometimes it’s an old guy and it’s real creepy. Most of the time, it’s weird. Not necessarily everyone who’s worked in retail has experienced this, but you know it when you see it.
6. The One That Talks on the Phone
This person simply can not wait to call whoever they need to talk to. They have to stand at the counter and talk on the phone throughout the duration of the sale. As a cashier, you have to whisper “is that debit or credit?” as she (most likely she’s female, males just never seem to fall in this category) holds her phone to her head with her shoulder and starts fumbling around with her card. Not fun, and kind of rude.
7. The Silent One
This one doesn’t even respond to the obligatory, “Hi, how are you.” They stare at you blankly like you’re speaking a completely foreign language, or they pretend not to hear you and stare off into the distance. Ok, they might not have heard you, but if I’m obligated to ask how you’re doing today, you’re obligated to show me the least amount of courtesy by responding. (Tip: if you don’t respond to me when I talk to you, you’re going to get crappier service).
8. The Rude One
This one might just be having a bad day, but you can really tell a lot about a person by the way they treat customer service, servers, cashiers, et. Cetera. It’s a rule I live by, honestly. This is the customer that gives you crap when you’re just trying to do your job (i.e. help them) and its awful. Sometimes it’s just funny and you can get a good laugh out of it, but when the store is busy and you have a lot of work to do, it can be frustrating and stressful when someone won’t cooperate.
9. The Indecisive One
She (strangely also most always female) will have brought everything up to the checkout counter, and ardently asks for your opinion on every item she’s picked out. “Do you think this will fit an 8-year-old boy?” “Which bracelet is cuter?” “I kind of like this hat, but this one is cheaper. What do you think?” I mean, I’m happy to share my opinion, but like you can make a decision for yourself. I don’t know how big said 8-year-old is, I don’t know your taste in jewelry, and I don’t know your financial situation, so you should probably ask someone else.
10. The Perfect One
The perfect customer may vary from retail worker to retail worker, but my ideal customer is the one that responds “Good, how are you?” when I talk to them (not 'well'). Their order is average sized, they aren’t talking on the phone while you ring them up (and they aren’t texting either). They pay with debit (thank you to everyone that pays with debit). They say “Thank you” when you hand them their receipt and they leave promptly after the sale.
There you have it. If you have never worked in retail and you may find yourself falling into one of these categories, please, reassess your shopping habits and try to change them. Sincerely, everyone who’s ever worked in retail, ever.
