The worst roommate I ever had used to microwave shrimp in our dorm room.

Scratch that. The worst roommate I ever had used to wear clown makeup and play with her switchblade. Oh, and she was a Trump supporter. (I honestly don't know which is scarier.)

College roommates can suck. They are used to mom and dad cleaning up after them and generally have no idea how to live with someone who doesn't have unconditional love for them.

We ought to just scribe in golden tablets the 10 rules all college kids should follow in order to not be a nightmare to live with.

1. Thou shalt not steal thy roommate's food.

Do you want to lose a hand?

2. Thou shalt always knock before entering.

You never know what the hell they might be up to in there.

3. Thou shalt hide all thine alcohol and weed when thy parents are in town and never speak of it.

Dude. I may be an adult, but please don't tell my mom.

4. Thou shalt not leave dishes in the sink for longer than 24 hours.


Unfortunately, your dishes aren't going to clean themselves.

5. Thou shalt not have screaming sex.


JK, I can believe it because I, along with all of North America, heard you.

6. Thou shalt not think the world revolves around them.


Yeah... I am too busy taking care of myself to take care of you too.

7. Thou shalt always clean up after themselves.

I am not your mother.

8. Thou shalt never make smelly foods.

I'm still pissed about the shrimp-in-our-microwave thing.

9. Thou shalt not bone in thy roommate's room.

I cannot believe people actually do this. Bruh, get your own room.

10. Thou shalt always pay thy bills on time.

Don't be that one guy who is always making the house late on payments.