Two years in this country and there are still things about the American culture that I cannot wrap my little British head around. I arrived two years ago, a wide-eyed freshman at college who forgot that my jumpers were now sweaters and utterly incapable of using any American coins.
I am pleased to say that I now have a solid knowledge of your coinage system, but please don’t ask me to name everyone on your money. We have one person in the U.K.; it’s the queen and she looks great in a crown.
Anyway, I can now pay for a Diet Coke using quarters, nickels and dimes but there are a few things in this country that, despite two years here, I cannot accept.
So in no particular order let us commence the list of 10 Americanisms that baffle the British.
1. Gas vs petrol
You took our language and changed a few random words and I will let most of them slide except this one. Gas. Why Gas? You know that doesn’t actually make logical sense right? In the U.K. it is petrol. Like petroleum oil. Get it? Yes, of course you do because it makes sense. But gas makes no sense. It is not a gas, it’s a liquid.
2. Geography. Everything ‘new’ means there is an old one
This is a matter I take very personally. I was born and raised in Jersey. And no I do not mean New Jersey, I am offended that you would think that. I mean actual Jersey. A small British Island in the English Channel. The word ‘New’ is very important. Recognize it, acknowledge it, know it, use it. Jersey, York, Hampshire, England and Orleans are all very real places and please stop referring to them as ‘old.’ I’m from the original Jersey not the old one and if you are from New Jersey stop saying you are from Jersey, it is simply incorrect.
3. 21+ drinking age
Why? Just why? You are the only country with this law and it makes no sense. You trust me to drive, smoke and even get married, but God forbid I buy a bottle of champagne for my wedding -- I’m too irresponsible for that apparently.
4. Greek life
I’m sure the ancient Greeks are rolling in their graves at the thought of what is now known as Greek life. I don’t think “bigs” and “littles," matching T-shirts and hazing rituals were some of Aristotle’s favorite past times. Cynicism aside though, I just don’t understand the point of Greek life but hey, as long as everyone is happy! The pledges seem happy, right?
5. Billboards
What is your obsession with billboards? I see four in a row telling me there is a Wendy’s at the next exit or what feels like a million in a row telling me to call 1-800-TRUTH for the all-ambiguous ‘truth.’ I make fun of them but I have to admit the motorway at home in England just isn’t as entertaining.
6. Lawyers on billboards
Speaking of billboards, driving on the I-10 seeing a huge face with a forced smile tell me that they’ll "fight for me" is an amusing sight. I don’t know if you have all just become blind to the multitude of lawyers that stare at you as you drive but I cannot get used to it.
7. Bathroom stalls
Privacy is a thing, America, and you should really start embracing it when it comes to your bathroom stalls. I am not sure what happened to the concept of doors when it came to designing your bathrooms but I don’t like it. Call me crazy, but I prefer to pee out of the view of others and the 2-inch gaps between the door and the frame make this a tad difficult. You wouldn’t accept these gaps on your bedroom doors so why is it fine in the bathroom?
8. Telling the time
Why is reading the 24-hour clock not common knowledge in this country? And why do people refer to it as military time? Your military has done a lot but it did not invent nor does it own the idea of an hour beyond 12. There are 24 hours in the day, it is only right that a clock has the same amount.
9. Bacon
I love the smell of bacon. I love the taste. I love everything about it apart from how you do it here. English bacon is taken from a different part of the pig, don’t ask for details -- I am not a butcher. All you need to know is, as a nation you are being cheated and are not given access to the full beauty of bacon. In the U.K., bacon is thicker, has more meat, less fat and isn’t drowned in syrup and treated as a condiment on top of a stack of pancakes. We have respect for bacon in England and it is about time you have some here.
10. Shopping assistants
So this is where the stereotype that British people are introverted and unfriendly comes out to play. I do not go to the mall to make friends. I do not appreciate being pounced on the second my foot steps through the door. Being asked how I am, what’s my name, what am I doing and where am I from is irritating and awkward. This isn’t a game of 20 questions, this is shopping and I prefer to do so without a stranger's help.
Now, before you take away my visa and kick me out the country for being so un-American I should say that whilst aspects of your culture confuse me, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you, America, you do have free refills after all.
