For whatever reason, you are missing your basic white girl. Maybe she’s upset because her People Magazine didn’t come in the mail today, or she’s mad at you for watching the Stanley cup and not celebrating your eight month, two week, and four day anniversary with her.

Whatever it is, after missed calls and no response to text messages, here is what you can do to locate her.

You must adopt the mindset of this basic white girl you are about to hunt. If you were her, where would you be? What would you wear? What would you be doing? 

You must lose the ability to “even” and like throw a “like” in between like every other word in like a sentence. Also, recognize that the verbalization of “dying” or “dead” – often used as a complete sentence, in and of itself – means the total opposite of the actual definition of the word. It is a substitution to express laughter and humor. Why is this acceptable terminology these days? I can’t even…     

First, check her Instagram. Specifically the location. White girls often lack creativity while Instagraming and will more often than not tag the location as the actual place that they are located (basic). But you can’t blame her—she is filled with chemicals that have a pH greater than seven.   

If social media is failing you, it’s time to make real moves. There are certain white girl hotspots that pretty much guarantee success. Start with Starbucks and activate your sense of smell as you sniff around the café. That iced chai tea or the pumpkin spice latte scent are probably your best bet. 

Another option is Chipotle because betches love burrito bowls. 

Sushi is always a classic white girl favorite, but even more so is froyo. Every town, these days, has their own local frozen yogurt shop. Whether it’s Arches, Peach Wave, Pinkberry, etc. be sure to swing by there to scope out the scene. Don’t let the name fool you; they are all the same. 

You may notice that all of these involve food – not a coincidence. Even though girls will always order a salad while on a date with you, trust me, it’s not their cuisine of choice.     

On the flip side, they might be on the elliptical or taking a spin class at the gym. No, never the treadmill or the weight room. But maybe doing an abs workout. Or yoga.

If vision is your only sense available (I don’t know why it would be, but just roll with it), here is your standard white girl outfit. Starting from the bottom: Ugg boots or Tom's, depending upon the season, Lululemon yoga pants (you’re welcome, boys), probably a Victoria’s Secret Pink shirt or, if they’re a srat star, a t-shirt with their Greek letters. The outfit is completed with a North Face jacket and an iPhone in hand. 

Meanwhile, be sure to open your ears for the white girl soundtrack. This may include, but is not limited to, Beyonce, Katy Perry, One Direction, Drake and "Pitch Perfect" (specifically, the cup song). Quotes from "Pitch Perfect" are also often overheard at the white girl hotspots referred to earlier. And we can’t forget about our classic Mean Girl quotes. 

We all know a few of these basic white girls. Maybe there is a little piece of her in all of us. No shame, ladies, I like froyo and "Pitch Perfect" just as much as the next girl, but – plot twist – so does my dad. 

Good luck on the search for your precious girl among the seas of basicity in the world.