I know it may not seem like it now, but your life is much healthier. I know that you're sad and I know that you are lonely, and I know that you are stuck in the dumps. You miss a girlfriend and that's okay, that's normal. This person was part of your life, they were your significant other, perhaps your other half for a moment. But she never deserved you and she sure as hell does not deserve your tears now. She is ugly, and I don't mean her face, I mean her soul. She is mean and cruel. She is unloving and selfish. She is abusive and toxic. The longer you are away from her, the less you can remember these things and that is normal. You are not the first girlfriend to have trouble getting rid of the gum on their shoes. But you did it and it's scary.. but take a deep breath and relax your shoulders because even though you're alone now, your future is endless.
You can find someone who will love you and show you their beautiful soul. Someone who deserves you. It's not a race. But it is so important to keep the toxins out of your life. You can never go back to your ex, my friend and you know that. You shouldn't be scared or lonely or sad. I know things aren't going as planned right now, but change your perspective. You aren't single and lonely. You aren't sad and heartbroken. You are strong and independent. You are single and ready to mingle! You're not alone. I am here, every day at any time. We all are here. I would walk to the end of the Earth to save your soul from another toxin. I hope you would too.
Be strong my love, in due time when you are ready, someone will come along and make you feel special. They will make you feel loved. They will make you smile. But don't rush it, dear. Sometimes we want something so badly that we cloud our own judgment. We want so hard, that our own minds manipulate reality, so that 'we accept the things we think we deserve' because then we would have what we want. But you need to be stronger than your desire, it is merely an illusion. Be stronger than your heart. Better yet, communicate with your heart. Do you want company or do you want someone to love you? I know you want the ladder, and you know it too. No matter how lonely you are and no matter how much company you crave, it isn't worth it. It isn't worth the loss of potential love.
So delete her number and delete her memory. She doesn't exist, she never did. She was a nightmare and now it's over. I know waking it up is scary, you feel alone and confused. You're almost like a newborn baby right? Well, since the nightmare is over, the dreams can begin. Things will never be easy-peasy but I can tell you in the end happiness will find you. It might be hard now, and I know it seems too agonizing to handle, but with the right amount of patience and an open heart, someone will come around one day to show you what love really is, and how remarkable it can be.
Love, Your Home Girl