As I am staring at my computer screen I'm trying to figure out just how to go about telling this story. Do I try to make this uplifting and give some advice to others who find themselves in the same situation? Do I try to make this guy sound like a complete asshole so I can vent some anger? Or do I simply try to spice up a rather bland story in order to get more views? It's a hard decision to make and I guess it's one I'll be making while I'm writing this.

To start this off, I may as well tell you how I met this guy and how he changed my life. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I've tried to find someone who could accept me and love me for who I am no matter how many flaws I have, but, alas, I hadn't had much luck. That is until one day when I saw "You're A Match!" and a picture pop up on the screen. Now, the fact that this came from Tinder, an online dating app that has a pretty bad reputation, should have been a sign that this wasn't going to end how I hoped, but I never listen to reason.

Anyway, this guy was cute and I took the initiative to start a conversation. He wasn't the most lively man I had met, but he could hold a conversation and that was enough to suck me in. We continued to talk and eventually moved to another social media platform that wasn't as sketchy as Tinder. Long story short, we met up one day, after months of talking and getting to know each other, and it happened. We had a connection and in the heat of the moment I found myself drawn to him in a way I had never experienced before. He was the type of guy I was looking for and I was eager to see where this went.

However, nothing happened after that day. I would check my phone constantly to see if he had messaged me. Whenever I tried to reach out he would ignore me. I felt so destroyed and I had never been so emotionally unstable in my life. The first few days were filled with me trying to keep myself from thinking the worst. "He's busy with work," was the only thought that kept me going. After two weeks or so I started to blame myself. Maybe it's my fault. I must have said something wrong. I must have done this, this, or this wrong. I couldn't escape this feeling of unworthiness for the longest time. It's been almost two months and I still get upset when I think about it.

I don't know why any of this happened to me. I was just looking for a genuine connection with someone. I put my heart out there only to have it crushed and stomped all over by some guy who didn't deserve it in the first place. Because of my foolish mistakes, I now have a bigger wall guarding my heart against any guy who wants to get to it.

I know this isn't the most entertaining or helpful story, but I'm not writing this for anyone else. I'm writing this for me. I'm writing this to let things go and try to get over what happened.

While I feel pain and sadness every time I think about it, I can't bring myself to regret it. I was happy during those months and sometimes that short time is worth it. Maybe that's the point I'm trying to get across to myself. Those mistakes we make in life shape our future selves and we can either let it destroy us or we can let it guide us.

I know I don't want to make that mistake again, but I can't avoid it. I have to accept it and everything that comes from it.