We play multiple roles as individuals. For example: I’m a college student, healthcare provider, writer, brother, son, nephew, cousin, grandson, volunteer, etc. I wear many different hats every week of my life, and I encounter certain people in certain places.

I am unlikely to see my supervisor outside of work, but it’s possible. After all, she does have a life outside of her job. I see many of my classmates throughout the school week on campus, but not so much on the weekends when I work.

Where do they all go when I’m not around? What are they thinking about? What are their hopes and dreams? It’s not like they cease to exist once they leave my line of sight. In our incredibly individualist society, it’s only common that we don’t see each other complexly.

A cute girl in my class may be exactly that to me, a cute girl. But, she has a life outside of that class. She doesn’t simply exist for the purpose of being a pretty face to admire. I wonder what she wants to do in life. I wonder where she comes from and why she thinks the way she does. I wonder what demons she wrestles with, and if maybe they’re comparable to mine.

What role does she play outside of our class, and to what purpose? Does she work a job to put herself through school? Does she live on campus with her best friend, or live at home rent free? And ‘why’ does she do all this?

This is what we call a moment of sonder. Sonder is the epiphany in which you realize that everyone leads just as complex a life and existence that you also lead. A coworker isn’t just a coworker. She may be a mother, a college student, maybe even a homeowner as well.

It’s easy to put everyone around us in neat, shiny little boxes. He goes here because we go to church together, and she goes here because she’s my crush. He goes here because he’s dating my crush- so on and so forth. But, these people don’t fit into these boxes that I’ve constructed.

Sometimes people feel like no one understands them, but that attitude shows a poor implementation of sonder. We’ve all been in dark places because we all have demons. We’ve all been happy because we’ve all encountered angels. We are all complex individuals, and, yet, many fail to grasp this concept when they look at someone else.

As I write this, a little boy rides by on his red bike, fashioned with new training wheels. I can’t help but wonder what kind of person he will grow up to be. His family trails behind him, and I can’t help but wonder what hopes they have for their son. Will he grow up to their expectations, or will he turn out different than what they had hoped? If he turns out different, will they still love him, and will they recognize that he is a complex individual? What if he’s gay? What if he grows up and turns away from his parents’ religion? What if he turns out to be something nobody expected him to be? Will they still love him? Will society be able to see past the labels they put on him?

Human beings are the only animal that has a progressive verb attached to its name: ‘being.’ A cat is a cat, and a dog is a dog. A goat is a goat, and a rat is a rat. But I am a human ‘being.’ I am being, meaning that I am existing, such a profound idea that we do not assign to any other creature. It is reserved for us only.

We are being, meaning that we are experiencing life. We are making things happen, and reacting to other things simultaneously. We all are trying to make this complex idea of existence mean something. It’s not just me, and it’s not just you. Everyone knows the complexity of their own lives. Take that knowledge and apply it to everyone you meet, for then we may be able to begin understanding each other in a truly human context.

Such a profound experience, that when I look into your eyes I see myself in your soul, and I then realize you, too, are a human being.