I am pleased to extend an invitation to the "cookout" to you. Yes, that's right. You have the honor of attending this figurative cookout, which is really just a place of unity for black people. But, there are a few stipulations that come along with this. So, I hope you don't get too ahead of yourself.
This cookout represents blackness. As I'm sure you are aware of, blackness cannot be given. It's not some type of honorary badge. You can't level up to blackness just because you make baked mac and cheese or use ham hocks in your collard greens. You don't receive an award because you've taken a few notes from Salt Bae and know how to add seasoning to food like you're supposed to. And you definitely don't receive honorary blackness just because you are in a relationship with a black person or you have black friends. That won't cut it.
I know this may take you by surprise, but you really can't commodify blackness. Kind of like how you can't revoke someone's black card. It doesn't exist as an object. Blackness is a lifestyle that comes from, surprisingly, being black. So, I know you're a little surprised that that means Robin Thicke doesn't make the cut. And neither does Adele because she acknowledged that Beyoncé's Lemonade was vital for black womanhood and that the Album of the Year award was rightfully Beyoncé's. You don't get an invite because you can hold a tune, can do a nice two-step, or even just be a decent person and give recognition to black people when it is due. You don't get a pat on the back for being decent. Just cause you say you're "down with the cause" doesn't mean that we wrote you down on the invite list.
Here's the thing about this cookout. It's an invite-only event. No plus ones. That being said, no, you can't invite your white friend to the cookout because that's your "mans." And, you definitely can't be a plus one to a plus one. And here's what I mean when I say that, let's look at Gary Owen. I'm sure he's favorable in many people's eyes. He's been the "token" white person in some of our favorite movies like Think Like A Man, Daddy Day Care, Ride Along, and Little Man. And let's not overlook that he's married to Kenya Duke, a black woman. In some people's minds, that's all it takes. He's suddenly invited. But, there's no harm in that right? Well, then there's a level of comfort that is reached, one where you think that you can invite someone else too. Just like real parties and events, the plus one doesn't get to invite a plus one. The plus one wasn't even on the list in the first place.
Gary Owen, like many of us, really admired Adele's speech as she took the stage for the Album of the Year award. He was so moved that he felt he should extend an invitation to Adele to the cookout. He can't do that. No one, not even black people, can truly give an invitation to non-black people for this cookout.
So, I hope this finds you well. But, my only request is that you stop trying to have a plus one for a cookout about blackness. Blackness can't be earned or sent in the form of an invitation.
