There is a man, and you are better than him. He is a boy, and always will be because he hasn’t grown up, and you are better than him. He is not worth it, and you are better with him. Yet your mind is on him and your heart beats for him, and you are better than him. Something lures you back, and you know you are better than him.
As someone who has never felt this way, I don’t understand.
Why do you walk back when you know he will hurt you? Why do you watch him? Why do you care for him? Why do you love him?
You are better than him.
I’m not saying it’s easy to forget about love, but if he has fucked you over once, he will fuck you over again, and again, and again. Your life does not revolve around him. You do not need him. I will repeat it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again: you are better than him.
Yet, you drive to him. You sleep in his bed, sometimes beside him and sometimes not. Where is he? Is he in another room or another girl? Where is he? Is he drunk or high? Where is he? Does he say he’s going to get his life back on track but never does? Where is he? He doesn’t stand beside you. He doesn’t love you.
Those words mean nothing. All those years you may have spent with him mean nothing to him. If they had, he wouldn’t have done what he did. Does he regret it? He says sorry, but he does it again. He can’t regret it that much. You regret, I know, and you remember, yet you go back to him. You’re better than him. And you listen to the words; you fall back into the pattern; you fall back into him. It’s all because you don’t know how to stand.
You can take my hands. I will help raise. You’re better than him, I repeat, and you know it’s true. The words flow out of your mouth, but you don’t believe them.
You are better than him.
“I am better than him.”
What do I hear the next day? You went over to his place. He was getting high and he threw some shit at you. I don’t think marijuana is supposed to do that. I don’t get high to know. I don’t need to get high like you don’t.
What are your goals? I know you have them. What do you want to do? You don’t answer because you don’t know. It is him-- all you want-- but that’s all wrong. You only want him because he’s the only thing you know. You have traveled and you have seen. You know other things. You look past them. Use your intellect, because you have more than the usual person, and see that he is the problem. You don’t belong here when you have numerous of possibilities. You could have gone far away, but him and his “love” brought you here. You followed him because he is the only thing you know.
You don’t know him; you just want to believe it. The stories you remember are just stories. He is the boy you once knew. He may say that you have changed, but so has he. And you must see this. You must know he is bad, and you have admitted. Where do I find you? Where do you tell me you were last night? Why do you repeat it over, and over, and over again, expecting something different?
He will break you again. He uses you and throws you out. He is trash. He is not worth it. You have the world at your fingertips, and he takes your hand, pulling you away, telling you this is all it’s going to be. Do you want to stay with him forever? You know you are better.
You are better than him.
You’re better than him.
Walk away. Leave him. Never look back. In fact, never come back here. Don’t let him follow you. It isn’t running; it is flying. It is chasing your dreams, whatever they might be, and he is not there. He is not a dream; he is a nightmare, which has seeped into everything you do until you can’t breathe without him. No one has to live like this; you can’t survive like this.
I will be by your side. I will repeat again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, you are better than him.
You know you are.
