I am a people-pleaser. If there is something I can do to make your day easier, I want to do it. If there's something you need that I have time for, I will be there. I like to know that the people in my life are happy, healthy, and stress-free. I like to help. But being helpful isn't always a help to myself.I don't know if it's cynical or realistic to stop wanting to help people, or if it's an act of self-respect. It used to make me feel very guilty if I couldn't help someone with their problems, even if it didn't involve me at all. I felt like if I was in a place where I could help I needed to, and I didn't ever realize the toll that it was taking on me.
You shouldn't be constantly starving yourself to feed the lives of others. You shouldn't feel guilty when you've done nothing wrong. It's hard to learn the difference between being a nice person and being a doormat, but I think some real progress has been made on my part. Being a college student teaches you lots of things about yourself. I've learned in a very short period of time what kind of friendships I want and deserve, what I want out of relationships, what kind of student I am and what drives me, and the person I am becoming. As much as I would love to always be able to help all of the people in my life all of the time, I've realized that the saying "you can't pour from an empty cup" is oh-so true.
Saying no when someone asks you to do something isn't always rude. Taking time to assess your priorities and figure out what you actual have time for without sacrificing your other areas of life isn't selfish. I will be a much better friend, girlfriend, daughter, student, sister, and roommate if I am giving 100% for a small chunk of time rather than 60% all of the time. People are more understanding than we give them credit for, and it's not often that I've told someone "You know what, I'm just swamped that day, I won't be able to help." and they get it. We're all just trying our best, and not every request has to be met by you. The funny thing about life is that it will always continue, even if you tell the world no it will always come back the next day. Not all of the world's problems are mine to solve. I'm not Superwoman, and I don't have to be. I'm allowed to say no, and the world won't stop moving if I do.