Guess what.
In one week, on April 24th, 2016, HBOGO is going to crash, stall, and buffer due to the amount of people trying to stream the premiere of season six of Game of Thrones. How do I know this? Because it happens every time. And because the internet at my apartment is sometimes kinda shitty. And because Game of Thrones loves its freaking cliffhangers, with the one at the end of the last season being a total doozy. (On a real note, though, why do we like a show that kills off all of our favorite characters and leave us more confused than ever?)
(SPOILER ALERT) So let us recap, before it all goes down. (Again.) Stannis is dead, along with his entirefamily. To be honest, he had it coming for what he did to his daughter. But I must admit it was kind of cool that it was Brienne of Tarth, resident lady bad ass, that got to do the killing. Sam is off to the Citadel with Gilly to learn how to carry chains for the rest of his life. Sansa and Theon kill a chick and jump over a wall to what would seem to be their doom but I highly doubt that is going to happen. Arya kills this guy who is totally an asshole, then a bunch of weird face things happen before the guy who is apparently nobody causes her to go blind. Jaime finally got Myrcella back, like Cersei had told him too… only for her to die in his arms because of some lesbian-lip action and some poison lip gloss. Daenerys learned that parenting was hard when your child is an actual dragon, only to be kidnapped by the horse people of her dead husband. Also, her posse is the definition of #squadgoals. (Which is Jorah, Daario, Tyrion, Varys, and Missandei.) Cersei tells the truth for once in her life, get’s a banging new hair do, and completely redefines a walk of shame. Oh, and remember that guy, the Mountain, who totally died? Well he’s been brought back to life. And if you ask me, he’s looking a little like a white walker.... And then, because the producers are sadistic as all hell, the men on the wall turned against the Jon Snow (who is a bastard, in case you didn’t know) and stabbed him and killed him. (Maybe.)
But now-- we want our answers. Or, more accurately, we want the answer to whether or not Jon Snow is actually dead. Also, is Sansa dead? How is Arya supposed to be an assassin if she has no sight? Is Cersei going to finally dump her brother? What is going on with Brienne? Daenarys? All the hot guys in the show? How is Tyrion doing in Meereen? Who is going to die this season? Or, better question, who is going to LIVE this season? Are Tommen and Margaery still in the newlywed phase? Who is Jon Snow’s mom? How many wars will there be? How many dudes will announce that they are the true king? Is there EVER going to be a true King? And we can’t forget about little Bran, who can’t walk, but who can apparently take over animal bodies...
Seriously? What the heck is going on???
Oh well. At least Joffrey is gone.
So what could possibly go wrong by throwing some alcohol into the mix? Grab your beer, pour some wine, find your friends and get comfy. I have the feeling the season six is gonna be a crazy one.
Here are the rules:
- Supply your own alcohol. Don’t be a mooch.
- Have ENOUGH alcohol. An hour might not seem like it is all that long, but a LOT can happen in this show.
- Don’t drink alone. That is weird.
- Tell EVERYONE about the rules. Old friend, new friends, red friends, blue friends. Hell, even tell strangers. Get everyone on board the wild ride that is Game of Thrones.
- Don’t shame people who aren’t drinking. It’s lame.
- Water is key. Drink up. You’ll thank yourself in the morning when you have class/work, and no hangover.
TAKE A SIP whenever Hodor offers some insightful advice. Or just says his name.
TAKE A SIP whenever Tyrion throws some major shade.
TAKE A SIP whenever someone dies. (FINISH your drink if it was a character you loved.)
TAKE A SIP whenever someone in the show takes a sip. (They drink a LOT of alcohol.)
TAKE A SIP whenever someone talks about dragons. TAKE TWO SIPS if it’s Daenarys.
TAKE A SIP whenever someone says their famous family quote. (“Valar Morghulis” counts.)
TAKE A SIP any time you miss Jon Snow. (Alternate: TAKE A SIP whenever he is on screen even though he is SUPPOSED to be dead.)
TAKE A SIP whenever you are completely lost and confused
DRINK FOR the duration of any unnecessary sex scene. AKA all of the sex scenes.
That’s all! Cheers! Here’s to another season of the best/worst show to ever happen to me and the reason I have trust issues!
