Ten years ago, the single most influential television show to ever exist, Laguna Beach, came to a dramatic close when its third season cast whose names I don't recall ended in a way that I don't remember because I didn't watch it. Two years prior, though, the world got to meet the most real, unscripted, raw group of beach-blonde teens who constantly put it all on the line in their journey to suck face with the coolest cool boys in school.
This show rocked my world, and it rocked yours, too. Laguna Beach was a masterful work of teen drama, from the incessant name-calling to the awkward stares and silences that always lasted more than a little too long. In honor of this show's legacy, here's a list of the types of people in your friend group as the cast of Laguna Beach.
Kristin Cavallari
We all have a Kristin in our group. Kristin is scary, mean and technically a little hotter than you. She likes to say things like "whatever", "it's f*cking on, b*tch", and "STEEEEEEPHEN!!" She looks at you like you're the dumbest, worst person in the world, even though she's the one who just got finished saying something indistinguishable like "I just, it's so, I don't even, whatever." You want to be her friend, though, because she's got the chunky highlights and Valley girl inflection that mid-2000s dreams were made of.
Lauren "LC" Conrad
Lauren is the friend that you invite over a little reluctantly, not because she's the meanest girl you've ever met in your life (see: Kristin), but because sometimes she stares at you in a way that makes you wonder if English is suddenly her fourth language. She also kind of cries a lot more than everyone else, but you keep her around because you know that she's technically the girl-next-door, and her story arc will eventually lead her to some kind of "I-don't-need-no-man-girl-power" conclusion. Also, she's most likely to get her own spin-off, so it's totally worth awkwardly staring at each other over sushi at some dimly-lit restaurant for eighteen scenes in a season. Ride those coattails (I'm looking at you, Lo).
Jessica & Jason
These two had to be grouped together, because we all have those two friends who are dating and hate each other but insist on staying together for no real reason. The Jessica of your friend group insists on always using you to help her dissect everything her Jason says, even though his longest sentence to date was probably when he said "Yeah, I don't know" instead of his usual separate "Yeah" and "I don't know". You often wonder who is worse: Jason, for being a total d*ck,or Jessica, for constantly crying about her d*ck boyfriend. The answer is both.
Stephen Colletti
Stephen is the most sought-after guy in your friend group. He has a baby face and skin that looks as soft as clouds and star dust. His hair is spiked just right and he's just tall enough to be cute but non-threatening. Sometimes, he gets drunk and calls Kristin a sl*tbag. Everyone loves Stephen.
Talan Torriero
Talan's the guy's guy in your friendship group. He's not cute enough to be a Stephen and not enough of a d*ck to be a Jason, so he just hovers somewhere in between. He probably is the one to always rehash party stories and tell stories about girls he's slept with, but they're all from different schools and don't have Facebook or Twitter or Instagram and also probably don't exist.
Anyone named Alex
Every friend group has multiple friends named Alex. These friends are nearly indistinguishable, because they're all named Alex. Sometimes using their last initial helps bring clarity to which friend you're referring or speaking to, but usually it's just kind of a craps shoot.
Lo Bosworth
Lo's
a loyal friend and big fan of girl-next-door LC. She mostly exists to
nod along to LC's sob stories and say encouraging things like "you
deserve so much better" and "no, you were definitely right". Lo might
be interesting or have hobbies or something, but no one really knows.
Dieter Schmitz
Dieter's the worst guy on the whole planet. I'm not sure why, you're not sure why, but we all know it's true. F*ck you, Dieter.
