For many of us, American pop culture has constructed our concept of a ‘perfect life.’ A paradoxically unique, yet socially acceptable single path for success. And often, that included the perfect college. In it of itself that idea is flawed, there is no single correct series of choices for a person. There are many schools and careers and places that will make you happy and help you grow. And, hopefully, if you chose the collegiate path your school is one of those places. However, you do not have to be happy all the time to be moving forward as a person. It is OK to dislike some or all aspects of your college. And most certainly, your freshman year does not have to be the best year of your life.

First and foremost, it is OK to be homesick. I do not know anyone who went to school and did not miss high school and home. We promote this idea that travelling and leaving home makes you morally superior, and while it can be wonderful to find out who you are outside of the environment you have always known, there is nothing wrong with staying home. I wondered many times this year when I was missing Seattle and all the people I missed there why I had made my life so much more complicated by leaving a place where I was loved and belonged.

As a culture, we have disregarded the absurdity of change; uprooting your life to go somewhere new and try to “find yourself” is truly bizarre. Do you know what people in the 16th century were trying to find? The cure for cholera. Sure, making a home in a new place and exposing yourself to new views can be great, but it takes time, and being sad is part of the process. Wanting to come home on spring breaks did not mean I was “weak,” it just meant I missed my parents. And once I realized that, I had a much easier time accepting that signing up for the good parts of school away from home meant some bad parts, too.

Don’t judge your experience based on what you think you should be doing. And don’t base it on your perceived perception of what other people are doing. I have so many friends whose happiness was affected by the fact they felt like other people were having more fun than them, just based on an Instagram picture. You are your own person. What makes someone else happy should not change the way you feel. Life is not a competition. And furthermore, you can’t trust an Instagram feed, because if we posted an accurate representation of our lives, mine would have been filled with a lot of Netflix ‘continue watching’ screens. It is OK if you did not have the freshman year you thought you would. Life is unpredictable, and it is better to appreciate what did happen than mourn the hypothetical.

You might not find your best friend on the first day of school. I guarantee you will find where you fit in, but you spent years bonding and growing with your current friends. It is just not possible to have that kind of bonding in one semester of college. You’ll get there. Just try to spend some time as your own best homie and make an effort to talk to a lot of people. I was lucky enough to have the two most amazing roommates, but even if you have to switch rooms (or just spent the years as acquaintances), you’ll find your niche. It does not have to happen like the movies for it to be meaningful.

There is nothing wrong with picking a school because it is cheaper, or has a better program for your major. Your college does not have to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You can find joy from your friends, your job, your activities, and a lot of things separate from the school you picked. It is wonderful if your school makes you happy, but it is not the only thing that can.

I had wonderful luck with the school I chose. I was lucky enough to find people I cared about and maintain a support system with my friends from home. I could afford to go home for breaks and see my parents. But even still, it was one of the hardest years of my life. I had to grow up a lot and become my own person in a way I never had. I loved my freshman year, but it was difficult. And I bet yours will be, too. And that’s normal. Be sad if you’re sad, and be honest with yourself about what you need to keep going on. Even if you have to transfer, you’ve grown and learnt a little more about yourself and how to be happy.

This was probably the biggest change of your life since your transition from womb to the world. It’s OK if you haven’t figured it out yet. Every adjustment comes with time. Your freshman year didn’t and doesn’t have to be the best year of your life, and once you stop trying to make it so, you might find you actually enjoy(ed) it.