As the beginning of the school year quickly approaches, I know upcoming First Years can't help but think about what college has in store for them — finding the right wand, buying the best robes, being placed into the right House, Quidditch matches and acing the O.W.L.'s, but most of all — frat parties. Since none of you First Years have any experience in the art of Divination, I'm here to prepare you for your first frat party as told by the "Harry Potter" series.
1. You get invited to the biggest frat party of the year and try to play it cool.
2. But on the inside you're a lot like this.
3. You gather up a group of girls who live on your hall that you've only known for a few days and invite them too.
4. The big day comes and you start getting ready, but then you realize that everything you own makes you look like you're 12.
5. You arrive to the door of the frat house and build up your nerve to walk inside.
6. After the initial shock of people dancing on tables and throwing beer bottles...
7. And witnessing your first 30-second keg stand...
8. And realizing all of the other girls look like this...
9. While you look like this...
10. You make a pact with your girls that you'll stick together all night.
11. But two seconds later, one of you goes missing.
12. You calm yourselves and come to the conclusion that you'll find her soon, so you get a cup of whatever everyone else is drinking.
13. While you're searching around for your lost friend, you realize that almost all of the frat boys are doing this number.
14. And then this number.
15. And you realize just how stupid they really are.
16. But you start talking to a really cute engineering major who's actually not a complete moron.
17. And you start looking at him like this.
18. So your friends ask you to go to the bathroom with them to lay down some real talk.
19. You finally run into your lost friend in the bathroom and realize she's had just as many cups of hunch punch as you have.
20. So you go dance.
21. Before you know it, the party is dying down and you walk to the nearest Waffle House or McDonalds.
22. You get back to the dorm with beer all over your clothes and something sticky in your hair while carrying one of your girlfriends...
23. But alas, in one piece.
24. And you wake up the next morning to realize the ugly truth about frat parties:
