Today, I went and got my second tattoo and my boyfriend of over a year and a half went with me to hold my hand the entire time. I could not thank him enough for being there with me.
To some people, it may not seem like a big deal but this time almost two years ago, I was with a boy who would not allow me to get anything tattooed on my body.
"Allow me."
He told me whenever I talked about getting tattoos how ugly he thought they were and how he didn't want me to ruin my body because he thought I was beautiful and sexy the way I was.
Today, sitting in the tattoo shop with my boyfriend encouraging me throughout the process because he knows how long I've wanted this tattoo, I realized what it's like to have someone who truly supports me through anything by my side. Not someone who only loves me for how I am now, but how I will continue to be in the future.
Thinking back on the whole thing now, it's crazy how much I let people dictate what I did or didn't do. I didn't cut my hair short, I didn't get any piercings, I didn't dye my hair, all because the person who was supposed to support me decided he only loved me for what I had to offer.
To everybody who thinks they're entitled to tell me what I can and can't do to myself, fuck off.
This is my body, nobody else's.
I don't belong to anybody, I don't owe anybody anything.
To tell me what to do is an insecure boy's way of trying to hold some sort of power over me. I don't have to do anything I don't want to and, as the sole owner of my body and mind, I don't care if you don't like something about me. I don't do anything to please anybody else but me. Just because I am with somebody does not mean that a person holds any power over me whatsoever. A relationship is about supporting each other and helping each other flourish into the best version of ourselves.
Tampering someone's growth, telling them that who they want to be is ugly because of what they chose to do with their own damn body is not a relationship. That is toxicity in one of its purest forms. I know a few couples who are like that and it saddens me to know that either of the people within the relationship is refusing to be who they want to be because of their partner. A relationship is about support.
To the boy who made me feel insecure and controlled me in every way he possibly could, I hope you never find another relationship until you can grow up. You manipulated me and controlled me and the way you treated me I still cannot get out of my head. But today I was able to break free of the binds you put on me and modify my body in a way you said would make me ugly. I have never felt more beautiful. To the man who stands beside me and supports me in every decision, I make for myself, thank you for being the rock that helps keep me stable and the extra push I need when I'm scared.
Getting this tattoo was a lot harder than my first because I was scared to be ugly. You helped me realize what a real relationship is and I've never been more grateful for another human. And to all of the girls and guys out there who are denying yourself anything because of what other people say, whether it be clothes or shoes or tattoos or piercings or plastic surgery, anything that you want to do.
Nobody is entitled to your body.
Nobody else lives in your body.
This life is all about making yourself happy.
