If you’re in a sorority, you know all the hype behind getting your big. Even if you're not in a sorority, you know the hype. Everyone has this notion in their heads that your big has to be your best friend but honestly they don’t.
A big is there to help you and guide you. In the literal term, they are supposed to be a big sister. You don’t have to feel like you and your big have to love each other and spend all your time together because everyone else in your pledge class and sorority talks about how much time they spend with their bigs. Not being super close with your big is OK and even though you may feel like you’re the only one without an amazing friendship, you’re not. Whether you have had your big for one semester or five semesters, it is OK to admit that your big is not your best friend.
Bigs and littles are matched up for many reasons; I'm sure it varies by the sorority. However it was decided upon, it was out of your control. It doesn’t mean that you weren’t wanted by your first choice or being a twin makes you any less important than whoever came before. Sometimes these things happen and even if you don’t understand it now, it was meant to happen. Don’t feel like you did something wrong when they don’t have all the time in the world to spend with you or them are going through something themselves and can’t dedicate as much time to you as they should.
Although you may feel unimportant at times, they do love you because they chose you. They wouldn’t want you to feel like they were stuck with you and didn’t have any choice.
A big is someone who is supposed to be there for you and deal with or partake in your shenanigans, so take the love you have for your big and create strong relationships with other sisters who are there for you also. A big really is just a title that anyone can fill. A sisterhood contains so many girls who will do anything for you at any moment so don’t be afraid to go out and make friendships.
Being the new pledge class is awkward and when your pledge sisters are rejoicing in the excitement over their bigs, you shouldn’t feel ashamed for feeling like you have less than what they have. Someone in your sorority will be there for you no matter what and not having a good relationship with your actual big could lead to you having an amazing relationship with a fig (fake big) or in my case, what we call, "watch-overs."
Some people have rocky relationships with their bigs. I know how hard it is to put in so much effort even when it's not always reciprocated because you know it could pay off one day. The longer you and your big are around each other, there's potential for having a secure relationship and it becoming a concrete thing.
My best advice is to just make the best of the situation while you can. As much as it might seem like your situation is hopeless, keep trying and maybe someday you won’t be a stranger but you may even consider yourself her friend. For those of you who have a relationship that is far past fixing, it is OK and it is not your fault. Take a deep breath and create other bonds in your organization. Just think, one day when you have a little, you'll be the best big you can be and that relationship you never had with your own big will be ten times better with your little.
