It's 2018. It's 4:30 pm on a Thursday. The Excel spreadsheet tracking all intraday bond trade analysis has been updated. No bond salesman is calling your line about the Z bond trader who's off the desk. Grab your phone before management barks some last minute request at you and tap open one of the three dating apps on your iPhone X. Left, left, left, right, left, left, pause... right? No, left, left, left, left, left, right, right, left, right, right, rigPHONE STARTS TO RING. Chris in sales is hounding you again about that Z bond trader again- he's off the desk, Chris!
It's now 9:15 pm later that same day when your phone lights up with a notification blaring in your face about a match on Tinder/Bumble/fumble/Bobbaboozle/Christian Mingle.com. A cutie you had swiped right on earlier at work took a liking to whatever mumbo jumbo you rattled off in your bio section of your Online Dating Profile. Yes, your physical features are a key component in getting over the first hurdle of Online Dating but the gem is hidden in the bio where prospective daters can get a taste of your personality (sarcastic, witty, or deadpan) in word form. 9:17 pm now. Cutie has sent you a rather flirtatious, yet innocent message that sparks an open conversation that you excitedly reciprocate.
5:42 pm Friday and Cutie and you have now exchanged phone numbers and have been texting intermittently throughout the day about your meet up, to which you (and Cutie presumably) are anxious about as if neither of you is 25-year-olds who've been around the scene once or twice. Fast forward two weeks later, you and Cutie are not in contact with each other. Was the hype before the first meet up too glorified or was the actual date lacking in sparkle?
This exact storyline will unfold and play out an infinite amount times in someone's Online Dating exposure. You're a victim of it. He's a victim of it. She's a victim of it. And, duh, I'm a victim of it. 'It' being known as, in modern jargon, 'ghosting'. The 21st century way of easing out of explaining to an ex-prospective that they are no longer interested in hanging out, grabbing drinks, and continuing on the path of Dating- dating which alludes to being exclusive, perhaps.
Because 'dating' is no longer a clear, definitive outline of the respected and shared connection you and another possibly have together. Infamous apps such as Tinder and Bumble bypass excruciatingly important aspects of traditional dating including first impressions: the pictures already provide the physical looks but cannot exhibit mannerisms or eloquence. Also the ever expansive common interests: an Online Dating Profile bio can only wrestle so much personal information into a shoe-sized depiction of oneself in hopes of meeting someone of the same caliber. Tinder, Bumble, and Co. have perpetuated the concept of ghosting in lieu of facing the hard, bitter feelings of letting someone down when it doesn't strike a pleasant chord. The masses have resorted to ghosting in troubled waters rather than being respectful of the other's person's time, leaving the ghosts unequipped with how to handle the puzzle pieces. Men view assertiveness as clingy, while women do not.
In NYC, there are roughly 3 million people to dabble with. If you're on the market, like I typically am, moving onto the next person is as easy as changing your outfit for the day. Work becomes the focal point of your life, and it should; to work in NYC as I've highlighted before is a great accomplishment with many rewards if you work hard enough but we all still want something deeper than spreadsheets and barking managers keeping a tight leash on us. It could be the city, it could be the generation, or it could be people, in general, giving in to the societally accepted behavior of ghosting that prevents meaningful relationships from blossoming or fading out. Dating is a job if you want to keep up with who's who of the town and market yourself as the next hot thing up against the other next hot thing. Young, single professionals have 2 jobs: at the office and on the phone.