Self-love is the best love!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself, and we should never let anyone tell us otherwise. Self-love is not the equivalent of conceitedness; “I love myself” should be seen a positive phrase, not a negative one. How can you expect someone to love you if you cannot love yourself? How can you expect to live a positive life without a positive view of its source: YOU!
Self-love comes naturally to some people. This can be perceived as conceitedness because of they are more outspoken about it. Still, who are we to judge? If that is how some people choose to express their self-love then more power to them! We as individuals carry different personalities, made up of different likes and dislikes, wants and needs; we are not all meant to get along, and sometimes have to learn to agree to disagree, and that’s okay! At the end of the day, it is all about respect, and just because I do not like certain things a person says or does, I respect that they are their own individual. And so, this brings me to the first step in self-love: DISREGARD WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.
I cannot stress this enough and I swear it will be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do but it will be so worth it! Learn to listen to that little voice inside you that says, “Yes!” even if everyone around you thinks, “No!” or vice versa. Wear what makes you feel confident even if others won’t understand, play the sports you know you love, listen to the music that makes you feel good, and eat whatever makes your heart content—it’s all about you! Constantly worrying about what others will say or do about what you say or do will drive you insane, because you’ll never really get things right. Ever wear or do something that just isn’t your thing? You feel ridiculous and believe it or not, your discomfort shows. You will not give your all into something you are not entirely, 150% sure, secure and comfortable with, and it will lead to insecurities and a sense of failure that you do not need because it is not something the real you cares for anyway! So why do it to yourself? Not caring about what people think takes time, patience, and strength so great I cannot put it into words, but once you’re there, your level of happiness will be impenetrable, and it is all the remedy you’ll ever need for the rest of your life to continue leading yourself AND others! Remember, happiness is a choice, and a contagious one!
Next, the realization and acceptance that you are who you are, and who you are is never anything less than someone else. Self-love is an acceptance. You look in the mirror and say, “What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” *inserts smirking face emoji*
Love everything about yourself, inside and out. I take such pride and happiness in being Dominican, brown-eyed, 5’4 and petite. When I was younger I did not appreciate my culture at all. No one around me was Dominican, not my friends, classmates, teachers, or even my neighbors. I felt that I was different, but took it in a negative way instead of a positive way and let it change me. I neglected speaking Spanish, I wore what everyone around me typically wore, which rarely ever looked good because I was more petite than the other girls around me. People realize the struggle of losing weight but never remember the struggle of gaining it. Why is it less rude comparing someone to a twig, or pencil – because it’s a compliment to be skinny? That is far from the case. Learning to accept myself in every way did take time, but I am the woman I am today because of it. I started to think at one point, do people tolerate skinny, short, Dominican girls all of a sudden? But I realized it wasn’t them, it was me. My confidence in myself drew people towards me that I now call my best friends. They did not see what I thought they saw. They saw a confident girl, who made the most with what she had, and what she had on the inside tremendously outweighed what she had on the outside, and that is by far the greatest accomplishment and feeling. Confidence shows just as much as discomfort, and once you have accepted yourself and love everything about you, there is not a soul that can take that from you.
Self-love starts with you, and is carried on through the company you keep. At one point I stopped questioning the love and loyalty of those around me, because once I knew it was the real ME they loved, I had confidence in them. If you do not surround yourself with positive, genuine-hearted people who bring your spirits up and keep your confidence in motion, then you are depriving your soul of the happiness it seeks to stay alive! I have let go of people I never thought I would, and it was not as easy as people make it seem. It is true that you don’t need people like that around you, but it takes time before you realize it. At first, you don’t know where to begin. Starting over is never easy, even with friendships, and the older you get the more you realize it. But remember, it’s not about them, and it’s not about the person you are when you’re with them— it’s about YOU, and who you want to be even if you don’t have them. Self-love is being your own hero, and having that confidence also brings the positive mindset that there are wonderful human beings out there just waiting to meet someone like you; friends that are like family, loving everything about you and still loving you for the things you are not.
This leads me to self-love in relationships, and probably the hardest relationship to practice self-love with, but it isn’t impossible. Relationships are fifty-fifty, and you want just as much from your partner as you put in, right? However, the issue arises when one feels they are not getting enough from their partner, and claim their partner to be selfish or unwilling. It’d be nice to say relationships require sacrifices, but I cannot say what I do not believe to be true. Seeing relationships as “sacrifices” already puts the idea of a relationship in bad standing. It is pressure we don’t need, especially at an earlier age. Relationships should come naturally; you should not see anything as a “sacrifice” but rather a token of your love for your partner. Constantly being pressured to act or be a certain way unlike yourself is not natural, uncomfortable and inconsiderate on your partner’s behalf. This interrupts your journey of self-love; you want to be aware of your wants and needs and you want to be with someone who shares and understands that. These “sacrifices” people speak about are just social constructs fabricated to manipulate people into believing the “norms” about relationships, when no two relationships are the really the same. Now, if you’re partner is trying to introduce you to new things, it’s different. But again, it should be something you allow and volunteer for because for all you know it could be something you really enjoy and wouldn’t have known unless you tried.
Part of self-love is having that strength to take a step back and look at the big picture: is this someone I really need to be with? Notice I say need, and not want, because as much as you may want to be with that person, it may not be what you need. I am no way implying people are objects to be used and disposed of when they do not satisfy our needs— not the case at all. But if who you are with is hindering you from doing what you love, and being who you are or want to be, then you have to make that distinction and do what is best for you. Doing things for you will always put you in a better situation, and if it does not then you’ll never have anyone to blame for it but yourself, which if you ask me, is better. What doesn’t work out should be on account of me, not anyone else.
The biggest takeaway from self-love: learn to know yourself, grow to love yourself, and spread that happiness as often as you can. The only tools you need are strength, commitment and a positive mind. Be grateful for everything you have and humble about all the things you may not, because we are all composed of greatness with the capability to achieve it. I wish you all the best in loving yourself, no one is better at it than you!
