Finding yourself is probably one of the hardest things to do in life, at least for some people. Especially throughout big milestones (first starting high school, college, etc.), so the advice you’ve heard a million times from your parents, your friends, your teachers is simple— “Just be yourself.” You can get through all of the awkward, difficult situations of growing up by simply just being you. It often doesn’t seem that easy though.

I remember my first two weeks of being in my high school I would get nauseous every morning, and it was so odd. I already had a group of friends, and we were all still going to the same school. I couldn’t figure out if it was because there were much older kids also there, or if it was it was just because I was in a completely different environment, or if it was both. There was one thing that really stood out to me though, that it was even more noticeable now if you didn’t fit in. There were older, prettier girls with their perfect pin-straight hair, makeup, and skin. This also so happens to be around the same time that boys actually start taking interest in girls, and that’s where things got really messy.

I always looked at the other girls in my grade, and I always wished I had something they had. Their hair, their body, their nose, or really anything I didn’t like about myself. I was also very quiet all through the previous years in school, and I felt that nobody would actually like me. So when it came down to it, usually when any boy tried talking to me I pretended to be someone completely different. I thought that maybe if I acted like someone that I thought they would like, then they would like me. To make a long story short, it never worked.

A couple years and a ton of rejections later, I finally realized something. I realized that I didn’t need a boy in my life to be happy, to have the "perfect" group of friends, or to be the prettiest girl in school. I didn’t need anyone, but me. So I said to hell with that, and just enjoyed my life of just my friends and me. It felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, and guess what? It also worked. All of the times that I wanted someone and they didn’t want me, or I stopped talking to someone because I felt like I was living one huge lie— didn’t happen anymore. I was so happy with just being by myself though, I didn’t even care that anyone had interest in me. It didn’t stay that easy though.

Although I was more comfortable being myself, I was still that “shy, quiet girl” in school. I was okay with it, I liked keeping to myself, but there were still times that I felt like such an outcast. I remember being in gym class talking to the other girls and they were all talking about their boyfriends and all of their boy problems, and all of my friends were starting to drive. I had no interest in driving though, and I didn’t want to have a boyfriend (it honestly sounded horrible from what every other girl was saying). I just wanted to do my own thing, but “my own thing” didn’t feel like the right thing. I felt like I was doing life wrong, and that I didn’t fit in at all.

I continued living life the way I wanted to, and it didn’t turn out all that bad. Once I got passed caring about what other people thought, I realized that it was okay. It was okay if I wasn’t ready for what everyone else was doing, and it was okay that I chose to do different things than everyone else. I ended up finding a boy that I actually wanted to be in a relationship with, and I was finally more happy in a relationship than I was single. I never really looked back on high school and thought, “I wish I fit in with the rest of them.” I liked the way my life turned out, and when I got to college I didn’t hide behind some facade or try to be like a certain group of people. I was just me, and I found out that people actually did like me that way.

So if you’re just starting high school, just finishing it, somewhere in between, or somewhere long after, and you feel lost. It’s okay. It’s okay to spend time on you, to make the wrong decisions, to not know the right decision, or to feel like you don’t have any other people like you. There are people out there that are your people, but you can’t find them if you’re not you. Finding out who you are is a long journey, and I know I’m not quite there yet. Humans are constantly growing and changing, and it is a beautiful thing that we all get to witness. So when you’re not sure what to do or who you should be, I think that you should be you.