A couple weeks ago, a friend told me, "You have the right to feel your feelings."
I had just finished a venting session about how I was feeling about some goings-on in my life, and had concluded with "I don't know why I feel this way. I know it's probably stupid, and I'm sorry for dumping all that on you." His response surprised me. He proceeded to tell me that my feelings weren't stupid. They were simply how I felt, and that was okay. I've always felt guilty about opening up to people, like there was something wrong with me for needing to talk and for feeling the way I do. However, my friend was right.
You do have the right to feel your feelings. Your feelings are what help you determine what is healthy and positive in your life and what you need to walk away from. Even if sometimes you don't understand them, and even if they frustrate you to no end, your feelings are never "stupid." If someone ever tells you differently, turn and run. The people in your life should build you up and support you, not tell you that whatever is going on in your brain is not worth the attention it deserves.
Ignoring your feelings will only lead to problems in the long run. Embrace them. Trying to suppress them isn't healthy. Staying positive is a good thing, but that doesn't mean it should be used to overlook anger, grief, sadness or depression. If you are upset with someone, let yourself be upset. This doesn't mean you should go on a rampage and destroy their car or something (though that may seem satisfying at the time). Let yourself figure out why you are feeling the way you do, so you know how to cope with the same situation in the future. Believe me, you'll feel a lot than if you just ignore it and "move on."
Of course, this is often much easier said than done. Feelings can be confusing, and sometimes they leave you feeling stuck. It is okay to talk about them with someone. That's what friends and family are for. I'm sure your friends come to you with their problems all of the time. It is okay for you to do the same when you need a little extra help.
If you have something you need to say to someone, don't be afraid to say it, even if it is hard. Even if the outcome is not what you expected and possibly not what you wanted, relieving yourself of that burden and clearing up any confusion or misunderstandings will help you acknowledge what is hurting you and move past it. Nothing is worse than the regret of words left unsaid. So, stay as calm as you can, take a deep breath and let it out. You deserve to be heard. If someone doesn't want to hear you, then just know you are better off without them, even if it hurts at first.
Above all else, though it can be difficult, you are your main priority. How can you be there for others if you can't be there for yourself? As ChaChanna Simpson said "taking care of you is the best way to help others."
