You Have Left Me No Choice

I never expected our friendship to be in this spot. I never expected to not have talked to you for months. Yet here we are, and everything keeps getting worse. I've tried to talk, help you, to understand, but I can't keep trying if you're not willing to fix what needs to be fixed on your end.

We started out so strong. Just two girls in college trying to learn how to do life as an adult the best we can. We laughed, sang, danced, and made some incredible memories that I will always remember. I hope you will remember them too. I constantly think back to try and figure out where things went wrong.

One minute you are helping me get through my mental health issues and help me get back up on my feet. The only person who could make me laugh and get me out of bed was you. The next minute, it is as if I am below you. That whatever I say, you don't need to listen to.

I appreciate everything that you have done for me and would've done for me. Never, ever doubt that. My loyalty to my friends is one of my best strengths. I can say that confidently because I know it is a fact.

I know, because I have been here before. Last time, I hurt myself by letting my "friend" treat me like crap and everyone else around them. I didn't stand up for myself or anyone else they were hurting. Now I am finally in a great place, so I can't let that happen again. I will not let that happen again.

I want to know what happened. I want to know what changed. I have heard for years, since we became friends, not to be friends with you from other people. I'm not going to lie. That made me feel bad for you because I had been in your shoes. People I thought who were my friends told others not to be friends with me.

It's not fun, but I grew from that. I let people see who I truly am, and I feel as though you're still hiding. For what though, I will never understand. I chose to be your friend, I chose to get to know you and all of the wonderful things we got to do together. When it came to others though you became someone completely different. Like you were trying to prove yourself to someone.

I stayed true to our friendship even when it became grey, and I lost touch with some of my other friends because they didn't want to be around your negativity. I couldn't see what they saw then, I do now.

It became hard to be around your negativity, and it was every time I saw or hung out with you. It is draining listening to the same complaints all of the time. There is nothing positive, and I can't have negativity in my life anymore if I want to stay in my healthy positive mindset.

My sweet girl, you have imploded on yourself, and I need you to wake up so you can see what you've caused. This lava is getting hotter, and you're pushing more and more people away.

I wish nothing but the best for you, I always have. I know I have said some things to you that you are mad about. I was blunt, and I will not lie about that. I have always been honest with you. Someone had to finally say something.

I had others thank me for speaking up because they could've never done what I did. My only regret is that I didn't get to do it in person.

You are hurting. I know you are, and I have tried for so long to help you realize what truly matters. Let the little things go sweet girl, and see the bigger picture. How you communicate with others is the most important thing.

I never want you to be alone, but that is where I see you're heading if you don't wake up. It is scary asking for help, and admitting when you are in the wrong. I know because I had to do it to help myself.

My speeches, advice after advice, and listening to your ranting sessions are over. You are not listening. You say you are, but your actions speak louder than your words. Believe me or not, I still worry about you.

The minute I sent you that message, calling you out on your behavior towards the people who care most about you, I cried. I honestly did. I knew I crossed a line that would become extremely sensitive.

The lava is still running and it has been months. Are you tired yet, sweet girl? Are you seeing a connection of why everyone is walking away? Please tell me you do because I am afraid I can no longer help you.

I want you to find yourself, and only yourself. Who are you? What do you truly want? Let the ashes fall and start reconnecting the bridges you've burned. Hopefully one day I will get to be a part of that process. Unfortunately, that can not be right now. I can't be the one to help you anymore. I didn't want to walk away and lose this friendship, but you have left me no choice.