To those who saw me through to my happier days,

This is an open letter to each and every individual who saw me at my worst and still believed I deserved the best. For every shoulder I cried on, for every hand that wiped my tears and for any smile that turned into a laugh; I appreciate you.

I spent a lot of time in a hole that I couldn’t dig myself out of. Minutes turned into days, days to weeks and week to years and the only level of progression I was making was digression, deeper and deeper into something I no longer understood, nor was it something I could control. I was alone in a world filled with billions of people because I was becoming empty inside. As much as there was support an arm’s length away, I pushed the people closest to me so far away it seemed like galaxies separated us. I felt that in that moment, all I needed was all that I already had, her and the “happiness” she brought me, despite how painfully brutal my reality had become. I became scarred—mentally, physically, emotionally and all the while, I was cornered and alone. I made excuses for unacceptable actions and lied to cover the dishonesty she portrayed, unaware of the pain I was causing to those around me and most importantly, myself.

There were times when I thought of escapes, I thought of ways to rid myself of the pain without causing pain to the one who caused me the most. There were times when the only outcome I could ponder was leaving behind a world of pain and demises from someone who promised me love and honesty. There were times when my skin represented the pain that I felt and the pain I wished that you would feel, too. But in all of this, there was something I failed to see.

In my pain there were constant supporters at my every beck and call, there was happiness hidden in the smiles of the people who saw me at my worst, yet still believed I deserved the best. There were words of support and guidance that stripped blades from my fingertips. There were silent “I’m here for yous” and “I’ll always be by your sides.” Most importantly, there was true happiness, constant support and above all, hidden happiness found in beautiful souls. To all of you who saw me through to my happier days, you saved my life—figuratively, beautifully and most importantly, literally. For your existence, I’m forever grateful.