You Don't Need Him To Be Happy

You Don't Need Him To Be Happy

You don't like him, you like the idea of him
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You don’t like him, you like the idea of him.

Trust me, I know you scroll through the popular page on Instagram and see all these perfect couples. I know you want what you think they have. And that’s why you would give your everything to the first guy that notices you.

I think way too far ahead, like most girls. I don’t know why we do it but even just a simple “hey” makes us think about if we're going to go to your house or ours for Christmas.It drives me crazy and I've realized lately I need to stop worrying so much about the future and enjoy the present.

All my life, I’ve been single because I haven’t met someone worth it all. Until I met the guy who changed my whole perspective on the world.

He treated me so well I didn’t even know I could be treated that good. I realized that it wouldn’t work out between us for different reasons, and instead of staying in the relationship just because I’ve wanted someone my whole life and I had finally found someone who treated me well, I got out of it because I realized I deserve someone who wants to commit and someone who isn’t afraid to lose me.

I made myself believe that he could be the one. I made myself believe that he felt the same way. But he didn’t. I was just another girl to him, while to me he was my future.

I don’t date in this generation just to “date”. I date to marry, and I take it seriously. I want someone who is looking for the same, and he wasn't it. He couldn’t commit to me and that’s okay. And it's okay to leave the relationship because of that. Ladies, you deserve a guy who is 110% down for you, not someone who is unsure if he even sees a future with you.

I know it's easier to stay with him because he makes you happy, and you think that all those times make up for the fact that he won’t commit to you. And it may be easier, and less heartbreaking at the time. But it won't be worth it. You can't force a relationship, and you can't force someone to have the same feelings for you.

What you can do is wait until the right guy comes.

Don’t go looking for a relationship or forcing one, let the right person come to you. You'll find him, trust me. And when you do, fall in love with him... not the idea of him. The right him. The one who is crazy about you and the one who shows you off, and most importantly the one who really gets you and isn’t afraid of loving, and most importantly, losing you.

You don’t need him to be happy.

You don’t need him to feel satisfied.

And you definitely don’t need him because everyone else has a “him”.

I never dated in high school. Not because I didn’t like anyone, but because I chose not to. When I date I am honestly looking for my someone. I knew no one in high school was going to be that someone for me. Some people found their person in high school, and that’s amazing. But for me, it hasn’t happened yet and I’m on my second year in college. And that’s fine.

I thought going to college was going to be amazing and I would find my future husband and we would live happily ever after. I was totally wrong.

Our generation isn’t worried about dating, or even about the future. Don’t get me wrong; there are a few exceptions, like myself. I look around at all these couples and think, are they really happy together, or are they just together because everyone else has someone too? I don’t to let my happiness to depend on a boy. You should learn to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Having someone is just the icing on top, and loving yourself is what really matters.

And I'm not only speaking for girls, guys: you don’t her to be happy. I know all of your buddies have someone and it can be embarrassing or lonely if you don’t. But don’t settle for easy, find the girl that is worth fighting for. She will be worth it. You deserve the best, and nothing less.

Most importantly, be happy with yourself, learn to love yourself and know how to be single before you get in a relationship. Don’t depend on a guy to make you happy or fill the hole you might have from past relationships, do it yourself. You don’t need him, and he doesn’t deserve you until he shows he's afraid of losing you.

Cover Image Credit: Brooke Viger

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10 Things We Love and Don't Love at Weddings

It's not about the bride and groom. It's about the guests' experience.

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If you think that weddings are all about the bride and groom, then you haven't tried planning a wedding. If that was true, then the planning process wouldn't be rife with discussions, arguments, and family/friendship-altering decisions. But that's not a bad thing.

A wedding revolves around the bride and groom, and they care about their loved ones who have supported them through the lows and highs of a relationship and will continue to do so. Naturally, couples want a wedding that meets their personal desires and is a memorable party for their guests.

As someone who has been to a variety of weddings and in the throes of planning one, I'm in the perfect position to speak for the masses about what we want and don't want to see at a wedding. There's no way anyone feels differently than I do about the following:

1. Love - Personal Vows

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The dating world has been overcome with swiping, lewd pics, and group dates as traditionally romantic gestures such as flowers and an intimate dinner have taken a back seat. The world needs romance, and it can be found in personal vows. Hearing about the unique love shared between the bride and groom is sure to bring a tear to every eye.

2. Don't Love - Long Ceremonies

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We are not a patient generation. I'm not an expert, but it's safe to say our attention span, as a whole, is about 2 minutes long. Guests are there to witness a beautiful union, but they are really there to get drunk, eat, and dance – and I wouldn't test their patience during a long ceremony. From the beginning of the ceremony (walking down the aisle) to the conclusion (kiss the bride), keep it around 20 minutes. 30 tops. Any more and nobody cares. We are a fickle crowd.

3. Love - Ceremony, Reception, and Lodging in One Location

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I'm lazy. I think we all are. Does anyone want to go to a ceremony, then get in an Uber for 20 minutes to get to the reception, then get an uber back to your house, hotel, car, or whatever at the end of the night? That's a negative. The best weddings are the ones that are all-inclusive. Sure, walking a block or two is cool, but let's avoid completely separate locations.

4. Don't Love - A Selfish Officiant

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Holy mackerel, I can't stand this one. First of all, we are there to celebrate friends/family that are getting married, not to hear about how the officiant knows them or why Jesus is important. I don't want to hear your bad jokes, your familiarity with them, why they chose you, or your never-ending prayers. I want to hear the officiant speak about the bride and groom's love, their relationship, what makes them unique in this world, and celebrate their strength. Officiants shouldn't say "I" until they pronounce them Husband and Wife.

5. Love - Dancing

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Obviously. This will be discussed further down, but dancing is a blast when given a proper amount of time to boogie. Sometimes, the dance-portion of the evening can be stilted and we never can really get down they way we need to.

6. Don't Love - Frequent Stops in Dancing

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Per the last observation, a wedding has to let us get funky. By the time dancing occurs, we have quite a few people liquored up, and there's always a family member or friend that stops the dancing to give a gut-wrenching speech. Or the DJ keeps pausing the dancing for a stupid game. Or it's cake-cutting time. The point is, we like to see a wedding that is organized and has time carved out for at least 2 hours of uninterrupted bump'n'grind.

7. Don't Love - A Selfish DJ

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They suck, they suck, they are suck incarnate. They suck harder than a selfish officiant. There are DJs out there that don't realize they are a wedding DJ and think it's time to freestyle the mixing, explore outside the 90's and 2000's playlist, and use the microphone to add their own voice. If you are a wedding DJ, then all you do is make the appropriate announcements, play solid music, and occasionally get people clapping. You are one miniscule step away from being replaced by a well-seasoned Pandora – get it together.

8. Love - Personal Moment with Bride and Groom

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This one is particularly important to me as a guest, but I also understand if it can't happen. There is something truly special about getting a personal moment with the newlyweds. It's a reminder of why you're there – to support them in this special moment, and they wanted to share it with you. The reception is a blur for the bride and groom, but those who walk around and thank the guests really go the extra mile.

9. Love - Open Bar

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Duh.

10. Don't Love - Long Table Rehearsal Dinner

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This is definitely a personal thing. I can't stand birthdays, family events, friend groups, or anything involving eating at a long table. First of all, I rarely get to sit next to those I know or those I want to get to know. It feels like we all end up next to people we're not trying to meet. Yes, this is a great moment for people to get to know one another, but we aren't children that have to be squished together. I don't want to make a new connection with someone while battling with my spaghetti and trying to get dinner drunk to deal with the awkwardness. Put standing circular tables out with an open bar and dank hors d'oeuvre, and allow people to organically meet'n'greet.

To be honest, the last one does apply to weddings, but I just really wanted to get my feelings out there about 10 person 1-table evenings. They are like a selfish officiant and a selfish DJ made love and produced an awkward evening.

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