It takes a split second for someone to make a first impression of you, but it can take a lifetime to change it.
What defines a person as being one thing or another? Our society places so much on looks. When we meet someone, we instantly pass judgement on who we think they are based on what they look like. We unconsciously ask ourselves, “Is this person pretty? Do they look smart? Is this person in shape?” and the scariest question of all, “How does this person compare to me?” A person's first instinct is to see if this is the type of person you think you want to continue to be around.
When I pledged a sorority I had many people say to me, “You don’t look like the type that would join one.” This phrase made me stop. You don’t look like the type… What did that mean? What did a person that seemed like they would be in a sorority look like?
This phrase is tossed around whenever someone reveals something about themselves that the listener was not expecting. People do not realize that when they say this, it hurts. If you have made a decision to do something, or believe in something, then when someone says you do not look like the type, it creates a touch of doubt. Doubt that can make you question whether or not you have made the right decision. By placing that doubt in your head, they are taking away some of the confidence and self respect you have.
This is the damage of stereotypes. By passing judgement on someone based on what they look like, and reinforcing what society sees as the norm, we are harming each other.
Instead, we need to see inside and listen to what people say in order to get to know them. We have no right to judge each other. When we judge others, we open ourselves up to being judged. We all know what it feels like when we are under the scrutiny of those around us — we feel less confident and will put on an act to protect ourselves. We should not have to and we should be able to share who we are so that those around us can know and understand what is beneath the surface.
If we were able to do this, our relationships would be deeper and maybe you would become friends with someone you may not have thought of being friends with before. It is not easy to step out of your comfort zone, but the next time you meet someone, try to see beyond what they first appear to be and hear who they are inside. Just remember to respect that they may be different than you. But you never know, those differences could be what brings you together in the end.
As for the friends you already have, if they do something that you would not expect them to do, take a minute before you respond. Because that "You don’t look like the type" is actually "You are your own type."
