"You need to love yourself before you can love someone else"
This is one of the most common misconceptions told in the millennial dating scene. I'm not saying that it's completely wrong because the idea of it isn't. I'm saying that you don't NEED to love yourself first and that is not the only option that leads to a successful relationship. I am so happy for the people who took the time, learned to embrace their imperfections and fell in love with themselves before exerting a portion of their love onto someone else. However, that is not what happened with me, yet my relationship is happier than ever. Maybe not all of us are meant to wait. I genuinely believe that love has no order.
I've always struggled with loving myself. Haven't we all at one point or another? Whether it be my weight, my confidence, my appearance or whatever else, I've never reached the point of one-hundred percent, fully and entirely loving myself. Throughout my life, there have been many faults for this. Bullying, rejection, cheating and many other factors have naturally made me emphasize my weaknesses and increase insecurity through them. The road to loving yourself is a process, one that takes some longer than others. If you're one of the people who is still undergoing the journey of loving yourself, it doesn't mean you can't embrace the love that someone else has to offer you.
There are many judgments and stigmas placed on those who love somebody else before loving themselves. No, I don't need a guy in order to feel good about myself, but it just happened to work out that way. I am dating someone who was in a similar place as me at the time we met. When I failed to see the good qualities about myself, he never failed to bring them out and remind me of my worth. Because he's been with me throughout my journey of loving myself, he's seen me during some of my lowest points, but he's also been able to watch me grow and improve myself. I feel extremely lucky to be with someone who has been able to see the real me, regardless of what point I'm at in my life.
Growing together has made my relationship more understanding and most of all stronger. Even if I had remained single, I would have come to the point of loving myself eventually, but fate decided that I deserved someone to become a part of me throughout my growth. Many people think that if you love someone else before loving yourself, you will change once you love yourself and find that the person isn't meant for you. While that may be the case for some people, it's been the opposite for me. Growing together meant that he became a part of me and while I grew, that part of me expanded right alongside my self-love.
Yes- I could have waited. I could have loved myself first. But I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad that he knows that I'm not perfect. I'm glad that he knows I've struggled before and still do sometimes. I'm so glad that he's seen me in some of my lowest points. Had I loved myself first, he would be meeting a side of me that didn't truly express my past or the person that I was for such an immense part of my life. Instead of meeting him and solely telling him stories about the harder times, he's been able to be here and go through them with me. There should be no shame in loving someone else first. Sometimes all it takes is someone special to remind us that we do have good qualities to be proud of. And to those who think loving someone else first can't lead to a successful relationship, just sit back and watch.
