I have been exploring my sexuality in the BDSM/kink community for a year and a half now and have come across a funny phase. This phrase is used when someone is revealed to their family, friends, and/or coworkers as someone into BDSM. They claim that they have been "outed."

"Outing" only occurs when someone is revealed to family, friends, and/or coworkers that someone is part of the LGBTPQA+ family. We can even "out" ourselves as LGBTPQA+ by "coming out the closet."

There was never a fear of in being into BDSM when I was growing up. One could not be shunned, beaten, or killed for being into BDSM.

The fact that kinksters use this phrase when people in their outside lives find out about their sexual activities is insulting to me.

On the other hand, I can see the parallels and determine why this phase has been appropriated. Being LGBTPQA+ involves a different style of sexual activities than being Straight – just like being into BDSM/kink involves vastly different sexual activities than being Straight.

You can be part of the Asexual family and still be LGBTPQA+ and you can be Asexual and enjoy BDSM/kink. So when the Straight people in your life find out that you enjoy BDSM/kink, that's just like them finding out your LGBTPQA+, right?

Though there is a section of the BDSM that feels BDSM is who they are, the big difference between the two is that when you're asked your sexuality, BDSM and Kinky are not options. Being into BDSM and kink is a part of who some people are.

But they aren't a sexual orientation.

BDSM/kink is just the name for sexual (or nonsexual) activities engaged in. Not the name of one's sexual orientation.

This is not all to say that being found out that one is into BDSM/kink is not considered devastating to one's Straight friends, family, and/or coworkers. But I do feel that being into BDSM/kink is different than being LGBTPQA+ and therefore should have a different terminology upon being discovered.

Appropriating the terms of another group of people is dangerously close to white-washing people's experiences in order to gain sympathy for one's own.