It's easy for us as human beings to judge ourselves. We constantly worry about our appearance, the number of friends we have, our family life, and the activities we involve ourselves in. However, I think that our biggest critique is ourselves. When the expectations for ourselves are aimed too high to reach, we often feel worthless. This may even drive us to want to end our lives. In those moments, I want you to think of this.
In those moments, think of your parents. Since the day they found out you were to be born, they decided to change their entire life, for you. They made the conscious decision to keep you and try to give you the best life possible. They held you in their arms and promised to protect you. You are their most prized possession. If you were gone, their entire world would be destroyed. They would be crumpled on the floor with trembling lips wishing they could hold you in their arms as you cried instead of crying on your casket knowing they can never hold you again. Tears would rush down their face as they asked themselves "Where did we go wrong?". You are their baby, their hopes, and dreams, their entire life. And without you, they are not whole. You complete them because you are so loved.
In those moments, think of your best friend. They hear the news of your death and fall to the floor. All those years of going to the movies, laughing until your stomach hurts, going out together, sharing your feelings, haunt your best friend as they know it won't ever happen again. You were their rock, their support system, their joy. Now they stare at the empty seat in class that you were supposed to be sitting in. They go to call you, only to remember you won't be there to answer. They cry and scream, wondering why they didn't see it coming. You are their best friend, and without you, they wouldn't be same. You make them happy because you are so important.
In those moments, think of your siblings. They are asked "How many siblings do you have?" and they have to fight back the tears as they explain they have one less sibling after your death. They think back to all the memories you have together growing up. The ones that include blackmailing each other, laughing at your parents attempt to be "cool", and spending time with a family. They begin to question everything in their life because you were the one they went to for advice. They looked up to you and came to you when they felt they were alone. They disassociate themselves from people because it's too difficult to answer the question "How are you doing?". They feel the weight of the world on their shoulders as they have to be strong for your parents. You are their mentor, and without you, they would feel lost. You guide them because you are needed.
In those moments, think of you significant other. They go into your room and wrap themselves in your clothes, desperately trying to capture your touch, smell, and love. Grasping for anything that makes them feel like you haven’t left them alone. Searching for an explanation and blaming themselves for not being the happiness you needed. They stare blankly at a wall wishing the days were filled with your sweet laughter. They find loving another is nearly impossible, as you have taken their heart with you. You are the love of their life, and without you, they don't have a heart anymore. You make them feel loved because you are special.
In those moments, think of everyone you've ever met. Your teachers, your friends, your entire family. If you were gone, nobody would make a sound, trying to convince themselves this is just a dream. Waiting for you to come out of hiding, laughing and smiling your beautiful smile. They replay their last conversation with you in their head. It would forever echo in their mind. Every single one of them questioning what they could have done to save you. You are their light, and without you, the world is a much darker place. You impact their lives because you are who you are.
So in those moments, take a look at yourself, and realize your worth. The world continues to spin and the stars still shine at night, but without you, the world would never be the same. You are treasured, you are beautiful, you are unique and you are worthy.
