There is only one person that you are stuck with for your whole life, and that is you. The concept of never being able to escape yourself is discussed in one of my favorite movies, “Before Sunrise.” One of the main characters, Jesse, talks about how he is sick of himself and about the concept of never doing anything without being there. The struggle not just to know yourself but also to love who you are is one of the hardest battles we will face through out lifetimes. It is one that will keep coming back. Hardships will always come, and they will knock you down and make you forget why you even liked yourself. It is deciding to start the long hard work to figure out who you are and how to love that person that will lead you to happiness and everything you truly desire.

I am very blessed to have made this decision when I was 16. It took me close to five years to be where I am now. I love my body with all its strange, unique things. I love how short I am and that I have a belly, I love my scars from acne, I love my boney elbows. I learned to love myself with an utter lack of sexual experience as I chose never to settle and keep my guards up. I learned what food I like and to just order what I want at restaurants with no worries of being judged for it. In many ways the past two years I dated myself. I took myself out to eat, to coffee, skiing, and I traveled on my own. Luckily for me, I fell in love with me. Through and through. Just like anyone we love, I still have faults. I still have moments when I am needy, frustrated, angry, hungry, sad. However, my reactions to them are now better, and I can see both sides much quicker. Dating myself is one of the best things I have done because now I know that no matter what I am okay on my own. I can travel to Cuba, spend four days in NYC, live with roommates I don’t really talk to, all on my own.

I don’t need anyone. But I want people in my life. Loving myself has made it easier to love my parents, my brother, and my friends. It has allowed me to open my heart in a way I would never have been able to. In high school I was so shy I failed to discover one of my strengths, working with preschool aged children. Through loving and knowing myself, I have found a love for working with little humans who still live in imagination and play and most of whom haven’t lost the love of self. Look at the way that children will automatically dance to music. No one told them that they might look embarrassing, so they just tuned in and danced. I love dancing, but mostly I love child like dancing, tuning into the music and dancing the way the hidden rhythms pull you. Doing this on the beach with the ocean is another great thing.

Dancing was one of the most helpful parts of my healing process. Feeling the core of who I am in my body again was the best way to get me to shed the layers I had put on top of myself. Imagine a world where everyone started to dance if the music pulled them too. That would be amazing. Watching people dance without any cares in the world is one of the greatest joys and so powerful too.

Touching back on the point of not needing people but wanting them, finding and loving myself has allowed me to find a relationship that compliments that mindset. It is reliable, stable, and ultimately adds more laughter to my life. The relationship came from a friendship of over a year. It built up easily and naturally and has been primarily stress-free. It adds to my life and is in no ways an obligation.

I like to use to a salad or meat analogy for relationships. You as you are on your own are the lettuce or meat. You are a whole individual entity on your own. The relationships in your life are the add ons. Tomatoes, croutons, cheese, salad dressing, etc. for salad. Marinades and sauces for meat. The people in your life make it better, but they aren’t the core of you. Significant others shouldn’t complete you they aren’t the other breast from your chicken, they are the spices. They spice up your life. You are whole so stop looking for your other half. Love yourself and then find someone who adds the most to your life. The tastiest rub or marinade if you will. Make a really specific list of everything you want from your significant other and then put it away somewhere. Do not focus on it making a list is enough. In the mean time start to date yourself. Be in love with yourself when you meet your person. At the same time, be free.