A lot of you have split up from your child(ren)'s other parent; also known as your ex. Your ex boyfriend, ex husband, ex girlfriend, ex wife or whatever you may call him or her. But after that, it doesn't end. You both have a lot of learning to do and a lot of compromises to face from here on out.
Now is the time to suck it up.
You chose to leave or the other parent chose to leave you. Make the best of it, because what matters in the end is that your children are still smiling at the end of the day. It's your time to step up and take responsibility. You're the mother or the father. Whichever you may be, you play a mighty important role in your child's life. Make it count.
Stop bad mouthing the other parent.
The kids don't understand why you both couldn't make it work. To speak and degrade another parent because you can't get along is unfair to the kids involved. Don't steal that joy or the love your child may have for their mother or father. They'll love them regardless. If they are the "worst person in the world" to you, they are still a hero to your child.
It's your job to set a good example.
Set a good example on how to treat one another, not to tear one another down. If they see fussing, or tension, they'll think it's the new way to live, and it isn't. They'll grow up to know no better than disrespect, low morals and probably self esteem. Shove the positive into their lives!
Keep one another's name out of each other's mouths.
Don't throw false accusations on the other parent, especially when communication is a error in your co-parenting handbook. Don't bad mouth the other parent in front of your child. It will make them think less of YOU, not their other parent. If you need to talk to somebody about the other parent, don't bully your child. Talk to the one who you made the child with.
Agree to disagree.
Talk it out. Get over the humps. Don't leave anything out. If you can't agree to disagree, make time to. It's not your child's responsibility to fix errors on your beaten path. They won't fix themselves. It'll only build tension. Eventually all your backup will become a buildup and one of you will eventually will bust, and that's not something for your child's eyes to see.
Old habits need to stay old habits.
Keep it real. Keep the positive ahead and leave those negative habits y'all may have had while together, keep them out of the picture. You are not together anymore. You've both moved on, but share the same child(ren). Replace those old habits with new ones. They are consequences of battles of yours that will quickly merge into your child's heart between you both. Not just one of you, you both. You are a team. Act like it.
Keep family and friends out of it.
Who's business is it to tell you what to do? It's not. After all, it's you and your ex that face one another, regardless. Nobody else needs to be involved for more drama and harm because that's exactly what it'll cause. Pull up your own britches and speak for yourself! You are your child's advocate. No one else.
Everything has a cause and a effect.
Make sure you're putting your child's needs first and what's in their best interest. Not yours! This life isn't about you anymore. You have a another human to take care of. What may make you bite your tongue to make them happy might just be the icing on the cake for you all. So, do what's best because what you're going to do will always effect them later.
Listen more than you run your mouth.
Shut up! Stop being so stubborn. Why run your mouth to cause a situation to blow out of proportion? Sit back and breathe. Think before you speak. There is a child that's listening to every word that gets mumbled out of your mouth. Negatives! Negatives! That's all they will hear. Eventually those negatives will become remorse. Hate each other, despise each other, but good gosh! Get along for that child's sake!
It's not your job to explain.
Is the other parent not doing what needs to be done? Child support not getting paid? Is the other parent not making the right decisions? Or are they are in jail for poor choices? Well, your child will eventually see it all for themselves. No need to put your cents worth in. Life is like a story book; it all has it's beginning, middle and end. It'll end the way it's supposed to. It's not your job to cover for the other parent, but to protect your child's feelings; either way it plays itself out.
You'll gain more respect by respecting the disrespectful.
Choose your words carefully. Don't follow through with hurtful and the hateful. It'll only cause more aggravation when you two have to see each other during the next visitation. Smile. Move on and out of the way; there is a different path on each side of the road. Take the best one, and pave it!
Co-parent. It's your job and theirs.
At the end of the day, rocky roads you go on and through for your kids... still co-parent. Co-parent properly. If you don't, you'll see that your struggles will only become stronger. Communicate; get along and move on. Your kids need you and their other parent. If their other parent is involved and isn't unfit and is setting a good example, they can love them, too. Just as you do! This is your job. This is theirs. You are a parent, and they are, too. Raise that child to be strong and see healthy. It all depends on you both. The child's life remains in your hands. Make the best for them. The solution is to make the best of the worst at times. Don't be selfish and on your child's behalf, be that person who can show them that loving the both of you, well... it's mighty alright! :)
