I would venture to say that most of us are familiar with the saying, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

In context, it’s generally meant to console someone who is less than content with their current romantic relationship (or lack thereof) by helping that person realize there are lots of options still available in other people.

A noble motive, to be sure, but there are much better ways to go about encouraging a lonely friend than telling them to go fishing. I want to take this time to further examine and challenge the harmful implications behind this phrase because I think it’s a good depiction of some of the lies many people, myself included, tend to fall for in regards to romantic relationships.

Here are the problems.

First of all, you are not a fish.

By saying, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea,” we're actually objectifying people, whether we intend to or not, not because we are calling them fish, but because we are implying that a person is something to go and catch, as if they are prizes we can win to show off to everyone.

When we start thinking about a person as something we have to obtain, the emphasis of the relationship shifts away from the individual and rests, instead, on what they can do for us simply by fulfilling a role in our life.

Roles are important, don’t get me wrong, but at any given time, anyone you may possibly date is so much more than just a potential “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” If we go through our lives categorizing people by the roles they can and do serve for us, we will miss out on loving and getting to know them as amazing individuals.

Second of all, you don’t have to have a fish.

When we imply that a person needs to go out and obtain someone for a romantic relationship, we also imply that a person must have a romantic relationship, period.

The word “plenty” taunts us, as if to say, “With all those fish out there, how could you still end up single?” Hear me on this: You are whole and complete in and of yourself.

This is why the concept of soulmates is fundamentally uncool because it leads us to believe we are incomplete without that special someone.

Certainly, people need other people. We’re not meant to be isolated from each other; we need love and companionship from others throughout our whole lives.

But, you do not require one specific person in order to live out a meaningful and purposeful life. Just as other people are so much more than the relationship status they can fill for you, you also are much more than your relationship status.

All too often, the great emphasis of a relationship is put on mere status, rather than focusing on actual people and unique situations within relationships.

This mistake is detrimental to the ways in which we view ourselves and others. So, let’s stop saying this. But more importantly, let’s stop thinking along these lines. ("Lines" -- it’s a fishing pun.)

Let's focus on loving people for who they are as individuals instead of calculating what they can potentially do for us. Relationships are not about a status, about “having someone, anyone.”

Relationships are about people very purposefully living together. Any kind of human relationship, romantic or otherwise, can be messy and frustrating, just as it is also a beautiful blessing.